Let’s Talk About Sex!

A community member wrote the piece below to start a discussion. Sex education and the Nigerian society are often at odds. Let’s read and discuss. As a parent- this topic is of importance to me.

“I think we are no longer in the era of hiding or being shy to talk about sex education with kids. Kids these days are so intelligent,you will be amazed at how well they hold conversations. Parents need to do a better job when talking about sex, no matter how discreet you want to be in calling the word penis and vagina. If you refuse to tell your kids about these body parts, they ll learn it somewhere else and trust me the outcome is always terrible.

I understand that while most of us were growing up our parents didn’t dwell much on sex education but some of us still turn out fine. Parents need to understand the basics of talking about sex to their wards. Discussion on Sex should no longer be seen as an abomination please. I was listening to a group giving a talk on sex education and they were stuttering just because they don’t want to talk about the private parts.

How do you relay the message when you can’t give full information? I left what I was doing and concentrated on what they had to say, but they did a bad job in conveying the real message. You dont tell a girl not to allow a boy touch her without telling her why, if you tell me that as a kid I would definitely be curious and trust me I would find out the reason.

Kids know so much already so the best thing is to just tell them what the internet won’t say, Let them know about sex,tell them what is going to happen if they start having sex at young age. It is annoying when you tell them not to allow boys touch them and not give them the full details. Talk to your boys on sex too,dont leave them out on the discussion. Let them be aware that the changes in their bodies are normal,let the girls know that menstruation is a normal thing. Dont kill the message by saying the old things you were told while growing up because it is not enough compare to what they already know. Tell them everything and let them in on the repercussion of having sex now and if you have a teenager who is already having sex please your duty is to let them know the truth about having sex at a young age and not trying to beat the hell out of them.

Sex is not a taboo,please talk about it. At what age should we have the talk? Who should have the talk with the kids? Mom or Dad? What is your take on sex education?”

Submitted by Kiki O.

As for me, I call it what it is – a vagina. I tell my 14 month olds it is called a vagina. I also make sure I tell them not to allow anybody touch them. I know they are a bit young- but the longer one says the same thing, the more likely it will stick.

Please share your thoughts.

Image credit: Google

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8 Comments on Let’s Talk About Sex!

  1. I think both parents should give the talk. Everything should not fall on the mother.
    I do agree it’s important to have the talk as early as possible.

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  2. Chrisyinks // August 30, 2017 at 17:58 // Reply

    I reckon it’s difficult to put a precise or ideal age at when the sex talk should be given – children develop at different rates. Preferably, sometimes before puberty should be ideal to delve into the nuances of sex and the changes occurring in the guy/lady’s body. Anytime earlier than that should see a parent introduce little bits and aspects of sex to the child. Both parents should play a role, although it makes better sense for the father to play a dominant role with the son and vice-versa. In the case of single parents or other situations, whoever is available should provide the guide.

    Sex education is a touchy subject and thus a delicate one. The best way to approach this subject would be first to cultivate a friendly and caring relationship with the child. The effectiveness of sex education is not necessarily on how eloquent or knowledgeable a parent is, but more about the trust, bond, level of communication and other ingredients between the parent and child. These ingredients are better established and cultivated in trivial matters like cooking together, playing games together, checking up on your child and his/her friends etc. A lot has been said, and is available on sex education, so I’m not going to belabor you on such details. Besides, if one is a parent, you already know about sex…duh.

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  3. I will start as soon as possible. From learning body parts ; true names to functions, to privacy, to alarm if need be, to sex, to abstinence or condoms, to reasons why. So help me God.

    And I don’t think it’s any parent’s duty- dad and/or mum should.

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  4. Hmmnh. I work with university students and my belief is that we have left people woefully unprepared for healthy sexual relationships. I would advise parents that they should start EARLY with body-privacy talk, but the discussion needs to be elevated as the child gets older. Most Nigerians say nothing but the “don’t do it” mantra, and apply this warning only to female children (which is an awful disservice for those women later in life when they realize there isn’t a large crop of men who have the same values). I think by the pre-teens e.g. 11 you should start telling a child that sex is an adult activity because there is a certain level of responsibility/maturity required to do it safely, but people have sex for different reasons (loneliness, boredom, conquest, pure lust, to have kids etc). Don’t lie to them. I have seen 16 year olds involved in BDSM and 18 year olds doing anal regularly so it starts early. By the time the kid is 14/15 it is too late to prepare them for the world they are facing. And parents need to learn not to punish older children for natural curiosity about the opposite sex. Instead use it as a time to teach them how to interact wisely and watch what is happening. It will help your children open up to you as they face challenges later in life. Practice it now and be building on it as your child ages. (Sorry for the epistle).

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  5. My 3year old son already knows the name of all the body parts, so as I’m teaching him how to bath himself correctly, we play a game where i ask him if he’s washed so and so body part. Though I haven’t told him him that nobody should touch his penis except mummy and daddy and only when he’s bathing, I think I should. Another thing I need to do is ask his school how he uses the toilet cos he still needs assistance dressing properly after using the restroom. Mans parenting no be beans oh.

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