You know this word is overrated and its also underrated. I was witness to a phone fight between an older couple. I managed to hear one side of the conversation and it left me wondering how the said couple stayed together for something like 25 years.
For me even just over hearing the conversation left me disturbed. The wife asked her husband repeatedly in Yoruba if he was “sick” and if he was “ok”. Now I don’t know what their circumstances were or are, but I know these people have two children which they have likely raised in the same toxic environment I bore witness to.
Too many people are not maritally ready, talkless of compatible. But in Nigeria we all believe that we are entitled to getting married. I say entitled because these marriages produce children who emerge from these toxic environments who in turn are emotionally damaged before they get a chance.
As young as my children are, my husband and I dont argue in front of them, heck we don’t argue period – go and cool your butt off and if you cannot communicate without anger go and write a letter or email or whatever the hell it is. Read it over and if it makes sense present it as your case. I am in no way implying my children will be perfect, but it is our duty as much as possible to provide the most conflict free environment for them to thrive in.
Too many people don’t know themselves well enough to be married. Forget marriage counselling- it does not examine the root of the individuals involved. It tells you what should be, not what you are. If you are self aware that you have bad temperment or bad mouth – you should be able to recognize this. I am the queen of clapbacks if you ask anybody that knows me…but as time has gone on I have learnt to just ignore things and be polite when I feel the need to clapback.
When I heard the woman ask the man “sho wa alright sha? Abi o oh wah ok?” The level of disrespect was just acidic irrespective of what the man has done. If the man is not ok, then by association she is not either- they have been together for donkey years.
My dad says something “ti o ba ta ara ile e ni kobo, talo fe ko ra ni naira”? If you sell your family member for kobo, who do you expect to buy himor her for more? Women and men need to learn to speak less ill of their partners – if your partner is problematic, you share part of that blame…you guys are each other’s muses. So please before you speak negatively about someone you are intimate with, think of how it reflects on you. “Yeah your husband may be an idiot but you are the bigger idiot for voicing it, as you are still married to him”.
Please what do you see with this respect matter?
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