Really Though?

I read this on Instagram and I remembered that someone has presented a similar scenario to me several months back and I offered my own idea of the “solution” at the time. 

When I read through the comments I realised a lot of us have smart phones and may not be as smart as our phones. First of all I think love- the way people idolize it is overrated, it makes folks delusional into thinking it conquers all. Love doesn’t conquer anything, it is attitudes that do. Now for this couple in question I would say a few things –

1. People have asked them to pray, I feel sometimes we tempt God with things for him to show us that we bother him a lot. If you have both found out you are AS, why tempt God? The people that ended up with SS children, did God not love them enough? Nigerians have this thing of  bad things cannot happen to them, their own case is always special….I will simply say anybody in doubt should go to LUTH and see people with SS, then sit down and talk to people who have lost children with SS….love cannot compensate for the breakdown that comes with Sickle Cell disease. I had a very good friend with SC in high School and lets just say he finished university and died a few years later. He always said he wouldn’t live till 30, so he was unsure of why he needed to plan his life.

2. Abortion is technically illegal in Nigeria, but most of the commenters simply told her that if she decided to stay, she could go for an amniocentesis/ CVS at 12 weeks and if the fetus was diagnosed to have the sickle cell trait – she could “flush it”. What drives me nuts with this approach is that how many abortions would she have to go through to get there? What will be the psychological and emotional damage on her and that relationship? What will be the health costs? Not every woman’s body can withstand so many abortions. I flat out refused an amniocentesis and genetic testing when I read up on the risk with a multiple pregnancy, I relied on the scans for progress and any information.

3. This was one of the few sensible options in my opinion. The primary things with this would be funding and religion. PGD and IVF, where embryos with the sickle cell trait would be discarded and the others would be transferred. This process is expensive in most places and if religion is against it, then what?  And what if the embryos don’t implant, then what?

4. Adoption was the other sensible option a few people suggested. This doesn’t involve any invasive procedures, but the time to ccomplish this legally is lengthy. And the narcissist in many people won’t allow them undertake this option.

As for the person who approached me, I suggested options 3 and 4 if it was that important for them to stay together. The male in the relationship opted for option two – get pregnant then go and check. Money is not a challenge for both parties and I wonder why anyone would want to go through this using option two?

The option of separation is always there, this topic simply reminded me that sometimes we don’t educate ourselves enough on things and that often enough we don’t think out the long term consequences of our actions.

Please share your thoughts….

Image Credit: instagram 


8 Comments on Really Though?

  1. I totally agree with all the points you raised there.
    In a discussion I had recently with some friends, I said it was selfish for 2 AS people to get married and I was called out for it….with ppl saying I was judgemental, too harsh etc
    I speak from experience.
    I’m a medical doctor and I’ve seen too much suffering from children with sickle cell to have any other opinion. Most of them have very poor qualities of life. The parents who married bcos of the crazy love…I bet the stress of sickly kids will snuff the love out. Most times its the mothers that spend nights in the hospital with the children..some children die in their mother’s arms. Which kain love be dat?
    The solutions are quite impractical. The only cure for sickle cell disease is a bone marrow transplant…which costs $80,000. How many people can afford that? And that is if you’re lucky enough to find a donor that matches perfectly.
    Now for prevention….you can genetically select the embryo…ethical and religious…not to mention FINANCIAL aspects to consider.
    The person saying she’ll keep aborting the ss fetus..I have no words…the mental and physical implications of that.
    Finally, to those saying they’ll pray. …don’t gamble with an innocent child’s life…instead why not pray that God sends you an AA partner who you’ll fall in love with? I don’t belive in the idea of one particular soul mate.
    My very long 10 kobo


  2. Have a 2 friends that were in this position. They both decided on option 2. Luckily they did not need to go through with the abortion as kids came out SS. Remember it’s a 1 in 4 chance of the baby being SS.


  3. Surrogacy is also an option I suppose. Implant one with daddy’s sperm and next one can be with mummy’s eggs. Very sad situation anyway.


    • Anon what you are referring to is donor- which is oftentimes compared with adaption. Surrogacy is when the uterus cannot carry the pregnancy for whatever reason. Nigerians I don’t believe are very open to using donor material ( egg or sperm)…..i could be wrong


  4. That love does not worth it. Both will probably resent each other or blame each other for this decision in the long run. It is a very selfish decision when you put your so called love above the quality of life of another human being you will bring to this world.

    Please ppl should check their genotype. if you are AS, make sure you don’t go into a relationship with an AS person in the first place.


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