So my brain seems to be working somewhat, excuse my last few days, forgive me.😅 There is something big that has been circulating on the internet after Charlie Boy wrote the article about the choice between a career and marriage for most women.
Let me define early marriage by my own standards and take it from there. For women, i believe marrying at age 27 and younger is relatively early. Why and how? From a career standpoint- you have barely passed the entry level mark – many people graduate around 22 at least in the west, woe betide you if you went to a Nigerian University and spent 9 years you may be 25. So five years depending on your industry may still be entry level.
While I admire butterfly love and young and innocent love, sometimes i think there are more disadvantages to early marriage for a woman than there are advantages. The only advantage i can come up with is childbirth, but these days you can freeze your eggs….and delay the process if you wish.
That said…i think about marriage from an emotional standpoint…how many people have a full sense of self at 25? In Nigeria everyone wants to know when you are getting married, no one ever asks if you can cope. I always use myself as an example or as my standpoint. I was not a very patient woman at 27, matter of fact i doubt I could have married myself…i was engaged and had to walk from it for many reasons…mostly i didnt have the patience for that particular person’s shortcomings and if I had attempted it…i would have been divorced by now.
I was also very very busy chasing my career, i was in the work force for 11 years total before I married. I had gone far beyond entry level and can now sit back and cross my legs. I can sit home and charge what i believe i deserve and because I have the experience to back me up, when kids show up I can slow down and still be able to jump back in if I so please.
I keep finding that a lot of people who also marry early by the 2 year mark are looking for an exit…could it be that the younger we are, the less we tend to manage expectations? Because a sisi 21 like me very few things bother me- infidelity, lying and stealing. Things such as somebody snoring (i told my friend to buy headphones), husband pressing toothpaste in the middle (buy him his own ), wife too fat ( get couples gym membership). Maybe the creative approach comes quicker with experience. I am not saying I don’t get angry sometimes, I do but I look for ways around the issue instead of looking for perfection. My husband doesnt eat pepper, i put his food on a different shelf in the fridge- he knows his shelf type scenario….
I know a few people who are not 35 who have already done husband #2 and have gotten over it and I keep asking what is different?
Please share your thoughts!