I am not even sure what title to give this post. No I am not depressed,  at least not to the best of my knowledge. I was busy reading a popular website – a woman had written in about how she had no social life. I began to wonder.

I am wondering if many people are ill-equipped to nurturing relationships, in terms of retaining older ones and birthing newer ones. I read somewhere recently that when you meet someone new, it’s easier to assume you are already friends with that person and you have something in common. So you just have to find that something. Sometimes I am disturbed by how friendly I can be…

You also hear a lot of singers shouting about “no new friends”- i think Drake sang that song. But what if the old friend’s times have expired in your life? Then goes the speech about all the backstabbing and such from new friends who want your life etc.

I am one of those people that dont believe in oversocialising – for me it is over stimulation. Given this trait, i tend to fall to the other extreme – undersocialising or not socialising at all…when i start noticing I have been indoors for more than 3 days or so, I create reasons to leave my house. Keep in mind I work from home and Lagos traffic is very unsexy.

As I get older, I work on being more deliberate in my actions- it includes my human relationships. Being on instagram doesn’t really help as sometimes you see people who are out everyday and you may wonder what is wrong with you. The truth is there maybe nothing wrong with you- its just not your thing. No one should be a complete recluse and in general no one should envy the next person for how freely it is they appear to live their lives…we should simply work on building genuine relationships with the people we come across during the course of whatever it is…

In life we are equipped with many of the skills we need to move forward.  If you are a recluse and don’t want to be one- simply get up and go to an event. Offer to work on the serving line at a charity, offer to help someone plan an event, go to a free show, attend a church program etc. Never let loneliness seep into your life and eat at your fiber. No matter how much we think we have it together, you cannot exist in equilibrium without others. We need people and they need us…the capacity in which we choose to interact is totally up to us…we dont need to let people into every aspect of our lives, we can also tailor relationships based on our personalities.

Are you a recluse? Or are you struggling to build relationships? If yes…care to share?




12 Comments on Depression

  1. Really inspiring thoughts and a good reminder about needing others as much as they need us.


  2. I do not have many friends. I’m not exactly a recluse and I’m not an introvert either, I just dont have that kind of realtionship where y’all tell each other everything and call each every time. Out of sight for me is out of mind like literally. Once we move out of the same vicinity(office, school, church, etc) the communication ends until we meet again.

    Then again, I always seem to meet pple I have nothing in common with or people that a sustained/prolonged friendship with will affect me adversely. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and I’ve concluded that the problem is with me. I dont think i have the capacity to connect with people especially on an emotional level. All my friendships are basically surface friendships so they’re more like acquaintances. Lots of acquaintances, no friends.

    Any advise on how to make and keep friends will be highly welcome.


    • Ibk, a few things – are you looking closely enough at many of these people? Or are you throwing the baby out with the bath water? Sometimes it takes a closer look. Everyone in your life cannot and will not connect to you on an emotional level. I have a friend for instance that is very public, but somehow she finds it extremely comforting to confide in me – according to her we have been friends since we were 2, so i wont betray her like her new found popular jingo crew. Do i have the same revers confidence in her? I am not so sure. Relationships have different purposes – some are the home buddies that you can tell everything, some you can work with, some you can hang out with, some are the examples of who you dont want to be etc.

      When you meet people, let them tell you about themselves for the first minute – you might find a mutual love for books, anime, etc. It helps you guage what position or place you may potentially give them in your life.

      sorry for the epistle.


    • I’m a terrible introvert shaa, but I do have really dear friends.. . some for quite a long while now


  3. Lohla's Melange // July 6, 2015 at 12:33 // Reply

    I think I’m just in between or more like I can adapt easily, depending on the crowd, where I find myself and how comfortable I am with the people around me at that time. But, I don’t have friends. I like to think I’m very friendly and social, but I have just few friends who are not even very close yummy to me…


  4. Earlier in life, i struggled with socializing with people, some of my friends were really bubbly and had dozens of friends, so natural i thought that was the norm. With time, i realized we can’t all be the same. that is just not who i am, i function better when i have a few close friends. for me understand my personality was key.


  5. Nick post OAD360. Truth is, I’m in-between. I socialize once in a while but i sometimes prefer to be on my own. I have a lot of friends but few close friends who really know me in toto.


  6. I am not a recluse. I love to socialize with people i regard as friends. I would shrivel up if i kept to myself, So even though am tired most weekends, i still make the concerted effort to go out. What’s life without friendship and laughter?


  7. Am somewhere in-between,if I like the crowd am hanging out with am overly friendly but when its the other way round I just act like am not there
    Its really neccessary to have good friends it might just be one person that you can talk to and feel like all your troubles are over literally
    I used to think I wasn’t friendly but am proving myself wrong this days


  8. NaijaPikin // July 6, 2015 at 17:47 // Reply

    I’ll consider myself a social person. However, I am very careful with seperating acquaintances from friends. I do really well with keeping in touch. Some of my very close friends today, i’ve known since Nur 1. And yes I have a number of “VERY CLOSE” friends, all serving different purposes in my life.

    But i’m also quick to cut people that are destructive (too many categories to mention) out of my life. if it ain’t working, you gots to go. complete cut off


  9. Beautiful post.
    I especially like where you said ( in response to Ibk), “…. when you meet people, let them tell you who they are so you know just where to place them in your life…”(paraphrasing) – this is so imperative.
    I’m quite sociable but I also really like my own company. In the past, I’ve let my friends choose me rather than choose them and, being a “nice girl”, where I found I needed to break free from any one particular friendship, I found myself thinking too much about hurting the friend (who chose me and who wasn’t serving any purpose in my life) and every time I have had that internal struggle and didn’t follow through with it, I almost always ended up accepting something- a lifestyle, attitude, energy- that would chip away at my own personal values.
    So, now, I do the choosing and when I’m chosen, I still stay nice and watchful but I can easily cut off anything that doesn’t serve me- I’ve learned from experience that influence can happen at any age and is highly underrated- it can happen to anybody- so I guard my heart, head, emotions, everything.
    If I think it’s something I won’t be able to handle or keep up with, I don’t get involved.


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