There are few things i have learnt after being married for a year. I will try to be clear as I post. There are many things and different nuggets of wisdom people try to pass on when you are getting married, but honestly until you do it – marriage that is, some of it sounds like rubbish. Some of it is rubbish – the make sure you always have sex etc type comments are rubbish…sex is wonderful but it is not the be all…
1. Learn how to say sorry..whether i am right or wrong, i say sorry. Being right is never important in a marriage – unless you are married to an a**hole, its not worth it proving you are right. Peace is the most precious commodity in a home. This also helps friendship in the marriage and not going to bed angry.
2. My primary priority is my husband as far as human beings go. This is premised on the fact that my husband goes above and beyond for me. It makes it all worth it. My goal is to make sure he doesn’t know how to exist without me, and vice versa. And I promised God when i said those vows two times (registry and formal ceremony). I don’t make promises, the least i can do is honor God.
3. Prior to marriage, i had serious trust issues. The many horror stories on blogs also don’t help, even in marriage. For happiness to rule, there has to be a choice to make the decision to let go and share your life unhindered with someone. I made that choice to live unhindered and just love.
4. Your spouse is your roomate oh. If you can afford it, please get a house or apartment with multiple rooms. Note i didn’t say bedroom. I have my own room in the house, and so does hubby and when we need our own space, everybody in their corner.
5. Honesty is a good trait, but share only what needs to be shared.
6. No matter how awesome your spouse is, they have bad habits. They will manifest, you must learn to overlook them or correct the ones that may really annoy you.
7. I learnt to observe my partner. I dont always catch it when something is wrong, but many times i do. Learn dislikes and temperament- it helps you know when to address certain subjects.
8. We are all coming from different backgrounds. What was acceptable in your parents house might not be in his. Dont feel like you are being criticised, some things about ourselves we can change.
9. Express love on a daily basis. It is free, build the habits you want. I told my husband i will tell him i love him everyday. I need to build habits, like I said i have trust issues – for me this reinforces how i feel. I think i missed only one day in the whole year.
10. Learning to keep your marriage private. Never speak ill of your spouse- your spouse is a reflection of your choice as a person- one of your biggest choices if you go further and have children.
Marriage is work- a good kind of work. What you put in with the right person is what manifests. A good partner will make you want to make the sacrifices. I cook everyday for dinner- i never eat the food- but my husband says thank you after he finishes eating and has never rejected any meal i make. So it is more than worth the sacrifice. Make the right set of sacrifices for the right person.
Marriage is not a bed of roses, well actually it is becauses roses have thorns. Whether or not the thorns prick you and how often is up to the parties involved. Its all about finding your own unique happy.
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