So i am watching this show called “World’s worst mum”. Its unbelievable how people are capable of handicapping their children. This  couple has children aged 5 to 20, and it is unbelievable how badly they have raised their kids due to their own fears. I atribute this to their own insecurity and need for control. Is the need to protect our children leading to bad parenting? Parenting is the most important task in our lives and one that comes without a manual.

To put the situation mildly, the kids were only allowed to play for an hour outside, the 20 year old was not allowed to take the bus, she also was not really allowed to baby sit the younger kids alone. This girl was in university by the way, and she did not know how to take public transport or drive. The 12 year old son refused to go to the basement by himself and had never been left alone and was scared to be left alone. Watching the whole thing was very disturbing for me because i kept wondering how they will ever be contributing or productive  members of society.  Who would be willing to have any of those as a friend, coworker or even spouse?

Sheltering kids often creates a handicap, because the learning process has been interrupted. Kids learn through play and experimentation, and if you don’t let them check things out, they will never learn or be able to build their imagination. 

My parents were very liberal in raising us, I grew up fairly average and I remember going to the market with our housekeeper, walking the 10 minutes to school by the time i was 8, and flirting with public transport on ocassion ( i did more taxis as i wasn’t great at “alighting ” from buses). We had a childrens driver but my parents like i said allowed us certain freedoms.

I know i can’t afford to coddle my kids, because there is no way i want any adult children that cant take care of themselves. It’s like the married people who live with their parents for years, uhm they have raised you, go and raise your own family and let the old people retire.

One parent i admire is Nduoma she does a lot of stuff with her son, and is amazing. I don’t know her but was referred to her site by a friend.

If you are a parent, please how do you find the balance between raising independent children and loving them at the same time? We parents in waiting could use some help – i didnt announce a pregnancy. ..before awon decoders start decoding.


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6 Comments on Parenting…..

  1. Ahem ahem how are your mornings these days? Hehehehe

    Ok to the post, I can’t call myself an expert seeing that my boy just turned one yesterday (official toddler things) so I’m literally learning on the job. Thankfully I’m a very pratical person, I don’t believe in cuddling ones child to death. Right now I don’t have any help cos I’m not working yet, I gotta do stuff around the house, so if I cuddle him 24hrs how do I go about these things. As little as he is, he can stay in his play pen keeping busy with his toys while I go about chores and things, and when I need to go out I drop him off with friends and he stays calm. Now I have a friend who also has a child about same age as mine, she cannot do anything around the house cos her child is used to being held all the time even when she’s sleeping. The way she’s going, she might end up having a very clingy child afraid of taking risks and going out there to get things for themselves and we call it being protective. There should be a balance to everything. Raising independent kids is part of our contribution to society.



  2. Looking at friends with kids, there’s a big difference between the overly sheltered kids and the independent kids. I’ll pick the independent kids any day.

    I cannot have my child dependent on me the rest of my life.


  3. Decoding mode on full blast.

    Raising independent kids requires a lot of backbone from the parents. Its really easy to cuddle and cling in the name of showing love to your child but its essential that parents teach their kids survival skills. This includes letting them do that which comes naturally to them. A child will always give a sign when he/she is ready to advance to the next stage. As a parent you can choose to ignore this sign but you wont be doing your kid any good. If you research you will find out that an independent kid was allowed to try new things and express himself/herself.


  4. Rotfl @ awon decoders. Trust them…..

    Nobody is exempted from house chores. I share them according to age. There’s a set time for everything, although there’s flexibility. Wisdom is profitable to direct. Prayers help too.


  5. The hardest part is letting your kids cry because you need to teach a lesson. Always so tempting to give them what they want to stop the tears. But lessons need to be learned for them to stick


  6. The role of parenting is a very crucial one. When kids are growing, they are practically empty. The parents are supposd to be their “Manual”. That is why you see some kids exhibiting the same behaviour as their parents’. The truth is, kids see their parents as demi-gods. In that note, they accept and believe whatever it is they are told. If fear is instilled in kids by parents, it will go a long way in haunting them. Lots of parents do it, here in Nigeria. I can remember quite well, the times that my mum used to be like that. She would tell us “don’t go out”, “don’t go swimming cos it’s too dangerous”, stuffs like that. You can imagine, but there’s one thing she never did. She never condoned the fear of being alone cos i suffered from this for a while and my mum helped me through. Well, i won’t blame her though, cos it was passed down to her by her mother. That’s how far parnting can go. There’s a high probabiity of raising your kids the way your parents raised you. I’m just going to advice the present parents and the potential (incoming *lol*) ones to be careful with the way they train their kids and what they say to them cos these things go a long way, beyond what you could ever imagine.
    I would say a big thank you to this writer for bringing this up. You’ve inspired me to write something on parenting. As for the decoders, you can’t hold your firewall for too long, they’ll decode noni. Lol! marriage is certain.


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