I saw This on A Popular Nigerian Website

So I was reading as usual – online. My husband calls me the blog warrior – i stay up to date with blogs generally i am not a serious TV watcher. So someone had posted one of those you tube video logs aka Vlogs. I wont mention the name of the poster, but if you are conversant with the Nigerian Vlog scene, there are primarily two females that post or attempt to post weekly vlogs.

This comment was in response to one of the vlogs – titled along the lines of

“What would you do if you find out your partner has a secret phone”.

#No!!! Capital NO!! Girrrlll you need to get!!! I refuse to encourage and support this new mindset of ‘Get known at all costs’ ministry. I am not going to support,encourage this vulgar topic at all. …Yes I know, we can’t be reading serious topics all the time. I GET THAT. We all need to laugh, but not at the dismay of topics which have catogerised and imprisoned women for years..

At least Two hundred thousand NIGERIAN women visit this blog every week. A high percenatge are young students, still living in their parents house spending days mind mapping how the heck they are going to succeed, live their dreams and get out from the control of mummy and daddy. Whilst navigating the stresses of living in Africa.And this is what you wanna bring to the table…GIRl byee!!! YES!!! in 2014 a couple of Nigeria celebrities got away with it….No honey, this is 2015, the end of the first quarter to be precise. We aint having it anymore. Lets talk how to double our COINS…how to improve relations with family…even how to get some red soles at a dicounted price would help…….just..dont come back on here with all that foolish….

The post got 631 likes, lets put things in perspective.

One thing i have always wondered about is the Nigerian woman, are we so consumed by our men, that we lose our sense of self? Because i had this conversation with a male friend yesterday and he said something – “Nigerian women are busy spending their time thinking about their men, and half of the men don’t give a bleeding f*ck” as in literally”. He said as a result of women putting these “men who aren’t worth their weight in sh*t on a pedestal” or “women just believing they cant do without them”, a lot of these men no longer feel the need to be accountable to the same women they have committed to.

I am one of the biggest advocates for female independence – i don’t believe independence and love or relationship bliss are mutually exclusive. I actually believe they are greatly possible (venn diagram thoughts). But does our society place too much emphasis on marital type relationships or male-female situation-ships? Do we spend our waking moments just consumed by the men in our lives? I know i sure as hell don’t. Was the person above’s speech/rant or whatever you want to call it justified?

On many a good days, i personally don’t want to see wedding pictures as i know there is a gulf between weddings and marriages in actual theory and practice. I am looking for ways to get better. I am looking for ways to laugh, learn, love myself and live. I am looking for ways to own the woman i am, the one i hope to become and learning to stand tall and confident irrespective of what gets thrown my way.

On this blog i try to shy away from relationship advice, marriage talk – I am not really one for fairy tales, and all the how to find a man speeches. To me many things will come if you want them and grow in the said direction etc. I feel i need more food for my soul by the way of nurturing my mind, looking for the positive to keep going, sorting through the confusion in my head etc. Maybe it is old age that is worrying me, as i am in my early 30’s, but i have never been one for the whole fashion scene, catch a man scene aka situation-ships, and how to get your eyebrows on fleek scene. I am an applied mathematician by training, so maybe there is something wrong with me. Its part of why  i started this blog after a year off the blogging scene, and its a blog that when i read my old posts – i see a reflection in my own growth as a woman. This blog to a large extent is a reflection of me wanting to get better at whatever it is i set my mind to, and believe me i have seen the progress. I also more than appreciate that sometimes people can relate to whatever it is i have to say, and also people can chose to offer different opinions on my thoughts. I likewise do not take for granted the members of the community as i also go onto other sites and i absorb sometimes what i read to help me become a better person.

Do you think the speech above is justified? Or is the person just “hating” like we say of criticism these days?






9 Comments on I saw This on A Popular Nigerian Website

  1. Aint got time for that ish… Monitoring a grown specie just because you are in a relationship with him. If you keep doing that then he’s going to keep growing in his own world while you keep whining till your whole life pass you by. Women really needs to learn to be independent. Its good to be in love,but when the love turns sour what’s gonna happen to you? Or when you find out some serious ish about your partner what are you going to do??
    Some ladies will just sit somewhere and be celebrating mediocrity. Instead of listening to the vlog,I’d rather sleep.


  2. Talikhi // May 1, 2015 at 17:22 // Reply

    Yes to independent women everywhere
    Aint nobody got time to be monitoring a grown man pls
    Get busy n make your life better


  3. The speech is very much needed. Every where u turn these days someone is talking about a relationship or what(not) to do to attract that (wo)man. The (situaton)relationship issue is already over flogged.

    I’d like to read about how to make money, how to know my worth like yesterday’s post said, how to make good investments, detailed analysis of the economy, etc. I want to read stimulating stuff, it doesnt have to be complex or filled with technical jargon, just simple english that makes a lot of sense.


  4. I agree with you and the poster of that comment 100%. Haba did we come to this world just because of men? There’s more to life than man wahala please.
    We should be concentrating on how to building good relationships with friends and family, fulling purpose and making mad money. Not everyday man man man jare.
    That’s why I love love love this space. You concentrate on other important things here. Weldone


  5. If such vlogs do not have an audience, I bet they might have been long forgotten by now. My point is, we have different people at different phases of life. We all cannot be at the same phase at the same time. I reckon that most mature people reason differently because they’ve moved from that phase of fantasies to realities. I am in no way for or against the vlog, article or write-up. All I’m saying is we need to understand that people need to figure things out themselves, before making informed and reasonable or sensible speeches and write ups.


  6. Part of the reasons I stopped commenting on thelmathinks
    Don’t get me wrong I love her blog and I heart her however all the relationship drills where killing me I just had to stop!
    I need to make money this year or at least seek ways to better myself.


  7. chukwukadibia // May 23, 2015 at 10:53 // Reply

    I don’t see the need to condemn any blog,blogs are of different categories .i have learnt a lot from thelmathinks,alot from pynk,SDK and the rest of other blogs..relationships/situationshipsare equally part of what we deal with on a daily basis .so I agree with Tumi who says u give priority to different issues based on what phase of life you are in.


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