We make choices everyday, from whether to get out of bed or stay in it. Have breakfast or not have breakfast etc. You catch my drift.

one thing i have noticed that we are all guilty of is condemning former partners or current partners who are some of our choices. I know for one i used to be one of those people who ran down my exes – a particular one i still get irritated about, some weren’t decent people in the least, but in retrospect- i wasn’t forced into any of those relationships, so am i not partly to blame? Do i not carry part of the blame for putting myself in the said situation with the said person i am complaining about? This also applies to friendships. Fine you cannot control what people will do, however you can contribute to the madness by agreeing to be a part of this person’s life in whatever capacity you chose.

What brought this issue to mind was someone who sat in front of her husband’s younger siblings and called her husband stupid. The youngest sibling of her husband (think 10 years age difference) responded to her that for calling her husband, she was more stupid. As you know someone is stupid, but you laid down with a stupid person and had kids? You can change a husband, but you can never undo the parent of your child. I don’t understand why a lot of women do this. I know an older woman who all she used to tell her husband was how useless he was, simply because he wouldn’t give her money to do “luxury” spending on bags, gold and lace. Her kids were always taken care of, house bills paid etc. I think women need to watch their tongues.

Firstly the said man who if you are married to him, is you biggest choice and the most visible one you are making in front of the world. If you are going to put down your biggest choice, the in my brooklyn accent “even you aint sh*t”. I am not saying don’t complain if you feel the need to, but lets learn to chose our words wisely. We tend to sympathize with women who their husbands turn to emotional abuse after they have frustrated them, and we think the husband is a monster. I know of another woman who would throw out her husband’s clothes on the lawn in America and lock him out of the house in the winter if her hung out with his friends. The man didn’t have his papers,as soon as he got a green card- not through marriage – one of those amnesty things, dude asked for a divorce. The woman went running to his inlaws whom in the past she had cursed out, etc. The guy stayed married to her, but they don’t have a marriage in the true sense because he amplified the word cheating and she is now a laughing stock.

Choices – you marry a man or woman, be careful how you speak about their family. The choice you made in a partner comes from the same set of people you are condemning, your spouse’s conditioning is from that environment. If he is 30 years old, chances are he has been around them for 25 years, whatever it is, its going to take longer than a year of being married to you to undo the 25 years of whatever it is you think is inappropriate or wrong with that family. So my people thats my thought of the day.

Our choices are a reflection of us, how we think, how we feel about ourselves and where we see ourselves going. The bigger the choice, obviously the more of an impact there is on our life. Lets think of how we speak on our choices no matter how small as they are a reflection of us.

Please share your thoughts on choices…and if you have ever felt the need to speak negatively about your choices.

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8 Comments on Choices

  1. Our choices most times define us… I tend to read people a lot and most times the choices they make in terms of partner really explain what they are going through in that moment,but I never judge people with that… I remember one of my colleague in school then that was asking me out,I liked him but not enough to date him,he was on my neck for 6yrs but I thought to myself,if I date him because I pity him then the whole relationship is going to be a disaster,that was my choice. I decided last year that I was going to change my career to what I have been passionate about,if it works fine or not it is my choice and I won’t blame anyone because I made the choice. The most important aspect in life is to make a choice whether good or bad and stand by it.


  2. The way our lives turn out is greatly influenced by the choices we make no matter how little, just a little is due to fate. we need to think deep before we make decisions, yes we can blame people for what they put us through and all, but at the end its still our lives being affected.

    i also agree with you on choosing our words carefully, alot of people say things at the spur of the moment and these words are never forgotten by he receipents.

    i sometimes speak about my choices, but most times i blame myself for putting ‘me’ in that situation, i think i need to even go easy on myself sometimes and just let leave.


  3. christabel // January 22, 2015 at 19:39 // Reply

    In life whatever u do is a choice good or bad but the aspect I dnt get is someone blaming another for a choice gone wrong.
    Whenever I make a choice whether good or bad I blame myself for a good or bad outcome…I take responsibility for my actions or choices… In relationships when things go wrong u hear me saying things like I dnt blame u at all, I blame myself


  4. Well sometimes our choices are not a true reflection of who we are. When you are lied to, and you make a choice based on lies, your decision doesn’t reflect who you are.

    I read a story on BN where single babes were dropping horror stories of how married men go through crazy lengths to convince them they are single. I mean bachelor pad, no ring, friends cosigning they are single.

    A babe now makes a choice to be with someone like this. I will never call her a home wrecker. Her choice does not reflect who she truly is because the man’s lies robbed her of the ability to make an informed decision.

    On my exes, I only have an issue with 1 because he was a big fat liar. He robbed me of a chance to make a choice reflective of who I am.


  5. I always make peace with my choices and the consequences thereof. As for badmouthing ex’s/spouses,may God help us all, I believe every experience whether good or bad has a lesson for me.


  6. Great post. @bee, I like ur commen abt our choices nt always being a true reflectn of our selves.


  7. PS: badmouthing other people is never the right choice


  8. Pls I need clarification, is there not a difference between badmouthing a person and speaking the truth. For example you ask me about a person’s character and I say bla bla bla and add he/she is not reliable but not resorting to insults. Is that wrong?


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