Hello all! I have been reading a lot of other blogs lately. I cam across a post about a woman who has two daughters  and has been told by the doctors she cant have any more or she would lose her life, of course there was a complicated pregnancy that led to this declaration. So now the woman badly want more children  specifically  a boy, her husband  doesn’t  know about the diagnosis and she is looking for how to broach the subject of gestational surrogacy with him, she declared that she felt like dying because she couldnt have more children. They are Nigerians.
I want to remove the God aspect from  this situation to be able to examine it properly.

I read this and i was thinking  to myself she is a shitty and ungrateful  human being. Why? She has two children already, what more does she want? Are girls not children? And shouldnt she simply  be grateful  to have been able to have children to begin with?

Next, how the hell is she married, had issues with a pregnancy and her husband doesnt know? Are Nigerians so clouded in their judgement that they hide such things from their partners? And if her husband  knew then truth would he even want more children? Does her husband even want more children irrespective?

Many humans beings are average  at best when you look at the world from a perspective of accomplishments. So if a man doesnt get his “name” to continue  is it actually  that big of a deal? With the cost of properly educating (financial, emotional,moral) children today, should anyone really  be clamouring to have more than 2 to 3  children?

Is this woman just being selfish? I noticed a lot of my friends in the west arent too concerned about procreation, more are worried about their careers and impact  on the environment they live in. In Nigeria, if you sneeze they ask if you are pregnant  2 weeks after the wedding. Someone sent me a message on bb asking me when my shower is, and i said what shower?  She responded baby shower! I didnt respond  beyond that. God forbid a woman for whatever  reason cant have kids or doesnt want kids, pressure from the “ovary watchers” will give the person a breakdown.

Kindly share your thoughts.

The tripican giveaway  is still open in the previous  post.



14 Comments on Perspectives

  1. Its really a cultural issue – albeit a very sad one. Women are nothing if not attached to a man. When you do get said man – do whatever it takes to keep him..never appeared flawed lest he finds another woman to replace you. And once you find said man – it is your obligation to bear him children, preferably boys..named after him or his father so that we know that you are a good wife/mother. This all used to disgust me – but the more i read about mental health and wellbeing i realize that these girls are a product of their environment. She probably doesnt have any self-worth – she probably doesn’t know that she is valide and beloved just for being herself. Its a sad state of affairs.


  2. Well, first I think we should be more tolerating to other people’s disposition to things or occurences. While some issues are considered trivial in the west and paramount in less developed nations, it doesn’t mean such issues should be tagged ‘bad or unworthy’. There’s beauty in diversity especially when it such diversity doesn’t cause harm or danger to anyone.

    Although in life, it is good and advisable to take a grateful approach to good occurences, we shouldn’t be overly concerned with that to sacrifice the need for an healthy amount of more. I sure do need more cash in my account and I’m sure a lot of people can relate to that. Hence if she desires to have more children, let’s tolerate that at least. I recently read of Britain’s largest nuclear family with about 15 children and I was wowed. But what amazed me more was that the family didn’t depend on government welfare. They loved the company of children.

    Families are different, and also the events and occurences establishing the family can go a long way in determing how such family is run – recounting some past events might lead to the opening of Pandora’s box. If we don’t know for certain what is holding her back from keeping her husband in the loop, I feel it would be hasty on our part to judge. Still, I subscribe for total honesty especially in matters relating to offspring viability and other paramount matters.

    On the issue of gender, it’s sad that a good amount of Nigerians don’t view the girl-child at par with the male-child. Well, since the husband isn’t complaining, I feel the wife shouldn’t be in a haste to get worried about that.

    P:S – I’m in the habit of writing long posts, please do excuse me on this. Would seek to keep it short subsequently.


  3. And if she succeed in getting pregnant again and along the way she starts experiencing serious complications,the husband finds out she’s been keeping it a secret,how will she look her husband in the eye and apologize? If she really wants another baby she sure knows what to do. You will be surprised that even the most educated people around are the ones who clamours for male child most.


  4. Well, I guess she’s under some family pressure to give birth to a boy. I also feel the husband is a bit non chalant cos he ought to know about the difficulties she had in her last pregnancy.


  5. OMG! i commented from my phone yesterday and i can find it today. kai and i typed an epistle o, cant even remember all i wrote sef.


  6. The fear of school fees is the beginning of wisdom. Plus the stress and expenses of pregnancy, birth, nursing…. Whew! Nobody should be pressured into child bearing. Discuss and agree on the number of children you want, regardless of the gender. How you plan to space them.

    Remember your health comes first. Only a healthy and alive mother will take care of her children. And 2 female children or none at all, which is better? We should be thankful for the gift of children, male or female.


  7. PS: todays my bday. Funny that many peeps here hv had bdays dis month. January babies rock. Also, am expecting a post frm ya today as my bday gift ooooo. Ejo o, e ma dissappoint mi


    • Happy Birthday, Gbenga! May this year bring you all that you desire and so much more than you could ever hope for. Enjoy your day! Cheers!


  8. The gender issue is always going to be a hard deal for some people.

    I think the lady in question is being selfish and playing with fire.

    To each his own, “I hope she finds joy” in her quest to have more kids.


  9. Happy birthday gbenga,i wish you well..


  10. Thanx a lot guys for the bday wishes. God bless y’all richly


  11. HBD Gbenga. God’s blessings today and always.


  12. The concept of wanting more is a complex one. You wonder why someone wants more when she already seems to have more than enough. But to her the “possibility” that she can get more will keep pushing her on even to her detriment. It is quite possible that her husband hungers for a male child and has communicated this hunger to her. This will explain her reasons for keeping her medical inabilities from him. Marriage at times makes you a strategist, more than a lover or a friend. Sad but true.

    PS: i should have visited earlier. I love your blog!


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