Hope all is well? I generally dont give advice on relationships, but today i need to profer my opinion. It is just that, my opinion. We are often too fixated on weddings to understand that marriage within itself is a challenge. This post will likely be very long, so brace yourself.
First as little girls, we have watched all the cinderella and disney movies that tell us we deserve princes that are rich and will swoon over us. While we all deserve these things, fact is that the people who ought to give them to us are imperfect, so sometimes the swooning might be a TFC meal as opposed to a trip to the intercontinental or Burj al Arab.
Next we have fantasies about how our courtship is supposed to go. Fuss free, guy falls at or feet does no wrong irrespective of what our imperfect self does. Well newsflash he is also imperfect, so he cant read your mind and might not be able to afford that trip to fantasy land you believe you deserve, but he is willing to stand by your side and try to make you happy within the best of his abilities.
Next comes the proposal. Swoon some more, your ring should be dropped by helicopter and he should come down from a private jet and get down on two knees and propose with a 1000 carat pink diamond ring with canary diamonds surrounding the ring. Hell you don’t know the difference between citrine and canary diamonds , but canary diamonds are the only acceptable surrounding stones. There should be an entire film crew filming the arrival of the helicopter and private jet with the ring, there should also be a choir filled with elves and all your friends to witness the event and tag it on instagram as the maddest proposal ever giveth.
After this, family introduction. Turn down for what, give your friends n10k gele aso ebi for you introduction. Make sure your dad rents the canopy and mobile toilets for your compound – multiple catererer, champagne on deck etc.
Now its official parents have consented, you might as well start taking your engagement pictures. You have this idea, to be suspended from the top of a 20 story building fully dressed in heels and all. Photog posts on instagram after charging you an exorbitant amount. Or better yet you and your man can dress as mermaids and do an underwater shoot even if you cant swim.
Now after all that, your friends better realise that you are awesomely special. So the bridal shower to all the seven wonders of the world should be planned. Why because you deserve the best. So as usual they should willingly cobtribute their 1 years salary to make sure your bridal shower is all that and on fleek- whatever that means. And any friend that says she cant afford it isnt really your friend, because how dare her be unable to come up with the money for your last blow out as a single girl. And when they dont show up, write a letter univiting them frim the wedding.
Now after the shower has been done or during that planning, make sure you have booked the great room at the intercontinental hotel for a pre weddig dinner for her and hubstars friends. Dress code – masked ball new orleans party. Even though we are in Nigeria. Complete with sushi and all the other mede mede.
Traditional wedding, book the whole mavin crew, Lynxx and crew etc. Then make sure you pay the planner n2million for just coordinating the event. Also make sure you get that aso ebi specially made- one in town. Charge your friends n50k each and if they dont buy the aso ebi, they cannot enter your venues. The cake has to be you kneeling down to feed your husband in LV iro and buba on gucci suitcases. Then oh yes you must have one of the baddest djs. Champagne popping, custom cigars for the boys dem, cute souvernirs for the aso ebi gals them only.
After all this, ghen ghen the white wedding with 3 dress changes. You paid $8000 for the first vera wang dress, $5000 for the versace and $3000 for the last zuhair murad. The shoes? OMG – loubs, choos, gucci. What… not to be left out, you hired your make up artist for n350k for the entire day. Ha Tiwa Sawage and Olamide badoo have to totally be there. If you want to be exclusive, you go to Abi Dhabi or Zanzibar and make all these people fly out there to make your day. You also set your bridesmaids dresses at $500 each and they must wear loubs. Hire a photographer for n1m for the day- make sure you sign the release for so the photog can put you on instagram- you fleeked out. Then you must have the picture banner, incase the people attending your wedding werent sure what you looked like. And oh my gosh the fish pond suspended cake with flying fish.
You get the gist of the comedy i posted above. Folks trying to top and be over the top. Forgetting that na just wedding. Realitly sets in after you marry dude and you realise he drinks only coffee everyday and leaves his mug around he house. He leaves toothpaste marks in the sink, skid marks in the toilet. He also expects you to cook, and he believes you are overly materialistic and you need to cut back, because he is still payig for the 1000 carat ring you made him buy. Deep down he thinks your dad is a jerk because he agreed to pay for all your 3 wedding dresses, and you think his mom is a cheap skate because she didn’t agree to pay for hor o’deurves for the trad and opted for small chops instead. You also learnt your husband farts in his sleep and picks his nose when he thinks you arent watching.
Some things i have stated above are marriage realities – not bad marriages. So talkless of the guy that becomes abusive or the woman that is provocative and wont stop talking? She incessantly compares her husband to her father etc.
Well everyone wants to be cinderella – its subjective whether any of us can ever be, too many women are missing the plot. We become so obsessed with planning for a day that if anything has negative consequences on our marriage. Let me explain. The size or perceived beauty of a wedding has never influenced a marriage positively, if anything it leans to the negative, especially if the couple has expended part of their start off funds on the wedding. This can, and often breeds resentment, this misuse of resources.
Brides to be should spend a portion of their time working on themselves – build thick skin, you will need it. Your spouse no matter how perfect will have an opinion on your family – some of it wont sit well with you and vice versa. Develop even thicker skin because you will criticise each other, decisions will be made – you can either be submissive or fight every decision. It depends on what is important to you, being right or having peace.
Whether or not you marry in front of 5 people or 3000, it has little bearing on the quality of your marriage. Learning patience, the spirit of cooperation, submissiveness (either by manipulation or straightforward ), and a desire to please your partner (note i didnt say be a doormat) go a long way in marriage. God is the most obvious factor of all…put him first and follow his words and you will sail relatively easily.
Please note the marriages to which i allude are the relatively healthy ones between two reasonable adults. Not the abusive ones.
I am guilty of a few of the wedding planning mistakes and it took going to the registry for a civil union to realise that all else was just a party and we were already married. Any turn of events in October wasnt going to improve the commitment we made prioir in June, if anything, October had us fussing and fighting to the point we considered stopping the trad and formal as it was eroding our marriage. The bottomline for us as a couple was to be married and happy. We had accomplished that months prior and it was important not to lose sight of that.
Thats my rant. Please remember its not how and where you get wedded thats important, its understanding your partner and how to live with and love that person peacefully. And nobody, not even your partner owes you a damn thing because you are getting married, not even happiness as that can only come from you.