I wasnt going to blog today but since my husband has gone running without me, and i cant seem to find anything productive to do, i might as well talk about something right. Candy crush isnt remotely productive but its a decent distraction that can turn into destruction if not careful.
Friendships, I was once close to someone who i suspect is jealous of my life. Now before we all jump the gun and conclude, i will explain myself. I met her 2006 she lived in America and i was working in the middle east. Somehow she always seemed to be in NY whenever i was there. Lets name her Nne. So Nne was always in one relationship or another and is the specialist of long distance relationships.  I cant understand how you have trust issues, but always manage to be in a long distance relationship with a man in Nigeria. Thats like saying you need to lose weight but you always make sure you have a job at burger king and you eat all three meals there.
Anyways on to the real issue. She always told me i was lucky to have an apartment,  lucky to be light skinned etc. And one day i had to explain to this honey child that no i wasnt lucky, i worked hard and God blessed my work. I studied applied math and stats in undergrad, is it beans to be reciting the rules for vector matrices and doing multivariate calculus while working 3 different part time jobs? Every holiday during college years i worked because they paid double,  so i could make up my tuition.
Two years after graduation, i went off to Iraq to collect rocket and mortars and car bombs with a nice salary. Thats not luck, thats insanity. I say so because i helped Nne and someone else to get jobs which they said they couldnt take. One told me she couldnt do it, and would always call to borrow money and Nne told me she wanted to be free to date.
So you see me with a 2 bedroom flat in Victoria Island and you tell me i am lucky? No i worked for my freaking life, i have had a job since i was 16 years old. I have work ethic. And when you work for your money it is highly unlikely you will squander it.
When i made the marriage announcement in August for the save the date, this babe told me i didnt ask her to be a bridesmaid?  And i explained i didn’t want a train, to me they are pointless. My husband had four men on his side i had my maid of honor, i was happy with that. This same Nne went on to say she wouldnt be able to make the wedding anyway.
Now for the past month my bb DP had been of  my bro in law, recently changed to my new nephew. Now i am sure even the blind had noticed.  She went on yesterday to tell me she got to Lagos on Tuesday. She had asked me in August to stay in my apartment and i said there is a tenant in there. Which there truly is, but why would she assume i would let a 2 bedroom apartment that i can rent for a minimum n2.5m be vacant so my “friends” can stay there? I realized she didnt chat with me for a month after.
And i told her pointedly i dont have an extra bedroom in the apartment my husband and I live in. We have no extra beds for the sanity of our marriage, visit and go home abeg. I will only make provisions for our siblings overseas if need be.
I am the master of low expectations when it comes to friendships.  But this particular person has irritated me to the point i want to delete her from my bbm. I dont even care to address anything with her because as far as i am concerned she is just suspect and she is on a zig zag path. She complains about distance relationships but mamages to get herself into them. She broke off an engagement because she couldnt move to Nigeria etc. She is above 30, so there should be some sort of aspirational clarity. To me she makes a lot of excuses for the decisions she makes and wont own up.
The last straw, she had introduced me to a someone “Irina”, her childhood friend. Irina and i lived 10 minutes drive from each other. When i broke up with my ex, Irina was there for me, she is the classic Unilag bubbler babe. But i also often found i didnt like the situations she tended to put us in. Anyways a friend who came to help when my car broke down ran down Irina – pretty much called her a “petty runs girl:.
We all have pasts.
Irina kept saying she wanted a new job, tried to hook her up with one or two people. The third person saw her CV and said “i hope she isnt still sleeping with her boss at xyz company, i cant afford to hire jezebel in my company”. Apparently the person i gave her cv to knew of her, but had never met her.
So i asked Nne i said come is this babe still on her boss? Talk about how Irina jumped up and down on bb less than 5 mins later about her enemies keep talking about her. I asked Nne if she mentioned anything to Irina she said no. A few days later she confessed she did. Ever since then i left Irina’s matter alone. Let them carry their friendship.

I know 20 friends cannot play together for 20 years. I had mentally erased them but i got irritated again when Nne sent me a message yesterday on bbm.

Sorry for the rant i just had to.
Tonight is date night, gotta go get ready soon. No heels, just ballerina flats and a decent dress with stockings since its cold. It our first date since he passed away. We are making progress.



6 Comments on Friendships

  1. You really have a lot of patience for this friend, God knows I can’t deal with so much crap from someone who calls herself a friend,reason why I don’t have. Enjoy your date night pynk.


  2. It’s hard to have people like that as “friends”. Maybe just let the friendship go completely…by deleting her number etc. It’ll be good for your BP levels.

    In other more important news, hope you had a great time at date night!



  3. Try not to give yourself headaches over ‘friends’ who have revealed their true nature. Accept your friends as they are and be wise in your dealings with them. Whatever you do, be at peace with yourself.


  4. You have plenty patience oh. lol

    Omo since my sophomore year in college, I started dropping folks out of my life. I’m one of those that sees the good in pple, so I give people a chance to show their hand. Once I see your hand, if its not positive, omo its to keep walking.

    Some people should only be in your life for a season.


  5. I once filled a slum book in secondary school and there was a space for worst friend and I had a name in my head(she was a real backstabber) since then I make a conscious effort to avoid such people.


  6. Smiles…


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