Self and Purpose

Gratitude- grateful to be alive, hale and hearty, I am back again with my own brand of “womanity” or whatever it is you want to call it. I am not a feminist or an activist in the true sense of it, as those terms often irritate me. However I am advocate for the girl child, catch them young and you can easily change the course of the future.

My topic is self and purpose today. The reason I write is based on several things I see around me, and my own personal experiences. Growing up, I used to think I had my father wrapped around my little finger, and at 32 during the planning of my recent nuptials I realized it was of his own freewill. I will explain – you see I am the second of four children, and the only female child with three brothers. My father never said “no” to me, so long as my demands were within reason. I remember in SS2 I asked my dad to be an extension on his 090-mtel cell phone and he gave me the phone. My brothers wanted to call their girlfriends and they made me ask him.

In adult conversations with my dad, he made mention that he generally gave me stuff, and he knew when I inflated the price of things, but he did it because he didn’t want me to fall into traps with men promising me material things instead of my being attracted to their character. My dad bought me my first makeup kit at 14 which, I sold to a friend ( I have been hustling long – lol), and he always bought me perfumes which I totally loved. He also invested a lot more in me than my brothers, always encouraging me to strive for more. When I said I didn’t want to go to medical school by my sophomore year in college, my dad found a Applied Math & Statistics program for me at SUNY Stonybrook and outlined my options for me.

Why the long epistle above, emphasis on the female child and purpose. I found myself quite early if I may say so. When I say found myself, I made my own decisions, and I owned my successes and failures. I say it with a lot of humility. I learnt how to strike a balance and learnt the ethic of work; the difference between smart and hard work. I had an argument with someone a few years ago about handbags- I am not moved by many material things, not because they are not nice, but because they do nothing for me emotionally. We choose how we place value on things. How did I learn this, after graduating from college at 20, I was so broke that if I was to buy clothes, I would have spent my entire entry-level salary doing so. For a year I practiced discipline – I bought less than 10 items of clothing or accessories that year. When I started making money at age 23, I tried the whole luxury handbag lifestyle, and I found that after walking out of the store with the item, I felt no excitement.

This discovery helped me understand that there was no point in buying these things on a whim. So now I plan my purchases, I am almost lazy about it. With the exception of antique diamonds, nothing makes me excited materially speaking. For everything else I literally write a list of stores I have to go to and the items I need to buy e.g fours blouses, two skirts, one black pair of flip-flops etc. Purchases over $100 for any item have to be well thought out, and I am a master couponer when I go to the states. My Husband used to make fun off me, now he tells me to do all the shopping. It saves him a ton of money.

Purpose for me also came early – my primary purpose was to always work on being a better person. Now whether or not this has worked out is relative. I make my decisions based on how I feel, and I don’t make any apologies for them. Whether I get it right or wrong, I own the decision and learn from it. I find that when you leave peer pressure behind, you are in a better position. I don’t have collective cliques of friends, I have friends who I tend to deal with on a one on one basis. It helps a lot, because there is a minimal he-said she-said, and it helps for more candid friendships.

I recently joined instagram this year, and I follow certain handles. Some peoples existence is about following the standards created by others for them. The one you see a lot of is when folks have weddings or people who don’t know the difference between glass and diamonds clamoring for my ring must be this xyz size. Why are we so bothered about what size it is? What if that’s what the person can afford? Luxury isn’t supposed to be punishment in terms of affordability, you shouldn’t have to die trying to lead a life of luxury, when you reach the pinnacle, luxury just happens. It’s almost automatic when you follow your purpose.

I found my professional purpose. I found it a while back, but fear wouldn’t let me do it. I literally had the resource about seven years ago, but I didn’t have the heart. Now I have the heart, the finances aren’t forthcoming, but I keep pushing on. The difference between this particular purpose and everything else I have done so far is that despite the frustrations in setting up the school business, I remain beyond optimistic. Don’t get me wrong, I get down every now and then, I talk to the people around me about it and I actually do listen to their words of encouragement. I believe in my life things have to challenge me for me to appreciate the results. Maybe that’s the path God has ordered I walk, the one with stones at the beginning and roses at the end, who knows.

Purpose gives a reason for waking up and existing and it helps us leave our mark on those around us and those coming behind us. My full purpose in being a better human being everyday has helped me become a better listener, less selfish, less consumer minded (even though I tagged my wedding picture Vera Wang gang last night on instagram), more emotionally and physically generous, more peaceful and just all round strive for more.

Love is a beautiful thing. Pictures of the day, we were checking out our ceremony venue in Zanzibar with the maid of honor. We didn’t realize the picture was being taken. I was wearing my husband’s shirt. We landed in Zanzibar at 3.30am, and Kenya Airways left my luggage with my wedding dress in Nairobi on the Tuesday, my wedding was Wednesday. They brought it later in the day n Tuesday though.

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The give away is still those cupcakes. I am too lazy to take pictures of other things I want to give away.

I might give out a rice cooker next, but I have to take a picture of it first.

I have updated the site, there is now a mobile version which I got for free through the word press plug in, it should make it easier to see full pictures and read on phones. To think I almost paid for mobile site hosting. Reading truly is fundamental.






5 Comments on Self and Purpose

  1. True words! Nice post, first time here.


  2. Nice! I love the look. Thanks for the recharge card. I’m really grateful.

    True thing about peer pressure. I love the way you practice being prudent. I’m almost that way too but you’re way ahead. More grease…….


    • Hi Enjay you are more than welcome. Being prudent is of the essence, i dont want to be wasteful and be in my 50’s and struggle


  3. Oh how I love this post!


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