I am still here oh

I didn’t disappear, I am still around. I had a helluva week though. Days have been very hectic, between wedding planning, and that point right before you travel, well the weeks before. Somehow there is always something to tidy up. My next blog post changed mentally in my head like four times already.


Let me update my acts of kindness first then I will start with the actual post.

Monday – I frankly don’t even remember what I did on Monday.

Tuesday – I sent a cake to a friend whose birthday was on Monday.

Wednesday – sent two cakes out to two friends for their birthdays.

Thursday – went to Balogun to pick up my last set of aso ebi, 30 pieces completed. Saw the same alabaru, gave her extra again. Bought Shea butter for my sis in law in America, gave my housekeeper money to buy a small sewing machine, so she can start sewing while she isn’t working inside the house. At least she says she wants to go to university, she can sew and save up money.

Friday – Bought some candy and sent it to my sis in law who just got discharged from the hospital.


So on Wednesday I was witness to two flat tires. It was put simply a day of flats. One with my moms driver around 2pm and the other by myself coming back home around 9pm from a friends birthday come chop. What are the odds? Well I was 10 minutes from home when my own occurred so I called my husband. My yellow paw paw husband was on the floor fixing my flat tire. My husband is my hero sha. He didn’t ask any questions, just showed up and changed the tire. Luckily I had the foresight not to turn off the main road when the flat happened, I pulled up by a police checkpoint and police were very pleasant to me.


My original blog post was supposed to be about my mother. So my parents have been married for 34 years, of which my mom has been in Nigeria for about 32 years (living here). So she was telling me how when she first came, she got a job, and the people who were supposed to be under her used to be so mean to her. They had Diplomas in nutrition and she had a BSC, so in civil service you are automatically higher on the grade. Just pretty much how she was miserable for a few months and she broke down. Anyways my dad’s mom went there and cursed them out (that one was a fire brand on her own). She got a transfer out of Lagos state to ministry of defense. And so when she got to Defense there was one Mrs. Akpan woman whom she is still very good friends with today. Mrs. Akpan would cook and even bring take away for her to take home etc. And all she did in return was bake Mrs. Akpan’s kids’ birthday cake. Anyways Mrs. Akpan gave her fufu flour and assorted meat soup, so when she got home, she wasn’t sure the order in which to eat the meat. Hahaah. And when she made the fufu it was like runny custard and she kuku drank it. No wonder growing up we always bought fufu, I always wondered about that. Years later the truth comes out. But that’s my Mom. Lol.


Other gist. So I am sitting jejely in my house oh and my friend from college decided she wants to have a whatapp convo. Lemme give a background, J is 34, works in environmental health in NY, probably makes about $100,000 per annum, moved out from her parents house, moved back in, has no savings, shops a lot, is a sweetheart most times. J is igbo if that helps what I am about to get to. So she says oh, I should hook her up, and she doesn’t mind long distance relationships. I am thinking ok this chic is ready to leave NY right? So I say oh you are willing to move if the guy wants to marry right? She goes no? And I wanted to ask, so why are you wasting my time? I said ok let me exercise patience and see where this convo is going. Anyway she goes on about how Nigeria isn’t safe, what job will she get when she comes back etc. Now I was thinking to myself, this is the problem when people go straight from the village to America. I wanted to slap her across the phone. I was like first off, you think people don’t have access to America? If you sit and look at a lot of people in Nigeria, they have accumulated enough to buy American citizenship if they so please, and there are people that will not trade their lives in Nigeria for anything. I am not saying Nigeria is the best, but come on. So she keeps going on and on, and I just told her I have no one to hook her up with. At 34, you don’t want to leave your family, you aren’t ready for marriage, then you complain that the man you are talking to wont commit to you because you guys are fooling around and not having sex? The guy won’t even take you to a proper dinner? I am angry somewhat because I am thinking if you are still apologetic as a woman in your 30s, what growth did you get in your 20s? truly? Or maybe I am one of the crazy ones that turned 30 and lost their damn minds. Marriage isn’t the ultimate goal, but at 30, you shouldn’t be second-guessing anyone’s role in your life be it friendships or relationships. If the person is a booty call, name it that, if they are your friends name it that, don’t be sitting around twiddling your thumbs waiting for anyone to define their relationship with you. Anyways I believe she has significant issues, because she goes on about how she wants kids that look like me (mixed race), but she is also looking for an Igbo man to marry. My Husband says maybe when she is 40 she will grow up.


Then on to another particular person “Nenny”. Nenny always seems disappointed that I don’t have a theme for my wedding, I am not counting down, I ddidnt ask her to be a bridesmaids – despite my saying I don’t want a train etc. She knows also she cant come to the wedding. She lives in America, one thing I also realized she never offered to help with anything. But always manages to seem slighted she isn’t included in the plans, when she knows fully well she has no intentions of attending. I just dey look her sha. She is also another one that doesn’t want to move to Nigeria but keeps ending up in long distance relationships with men that live in Nigeria. Her own chapter is closed in my mind. As I am of the opinion she is harboring jealousy, because she was engaged to a guy in Nigeria and then broke it off because she was planning this legendary wedding and I kept telling her to keep it simple and move on to keep the costs low. I respond to her simply by bbm and I am certain to keep my answers very curt without being rude.


I have bought all my fabrics for the wedding. Only to get to the tailors now. I got a bargain on all of them too.








1 Comment on I am still here oh

  1. IF we ain’t conscious, we won’t do acts of kindness even though most times these acts cost us absolutely nothing.


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