Wow how the year has breezed past, September is upon us. The ember months as Nigerians say- I really don’t understand that saying by the way.
September means a few things for me right now, it means it is about 7 weeks to my engagement ceremony and wedding. We are legally married already and have been living together since June – don’t ask, I am not really one for parties, they make me nervous. lol. I have bought only two of my four outfits, three for the traditional and my formal dress ( yes I am unexpectedly a Vera Wang bride). I fell in love with my dress at first sight, it wasn’t lace like I always thought my dress would be, but it is ivory with a lot of geometric pattern and whimsical tulle. I can also carry the dress myself so I wasn’t too keen on a train. I found my dress at a charity store that resells floor samples (mind you for a third of the original price – major savings – I even paid less than the second hand value for it) and it was a perfect fit, just getting some slight sleeves put on an a matching veil – that’s one of my husband’s wishes. He almost cried because I said I wanted a birdcage veil, so I’ll humor him with that one. I am proud to say my dress was sort of within my budget of $4,000. It’s the only thing I was willing to spend on.
Bridal trains can come with a lot of wahala. I have witnessed all sorts of horror stories and heard different stories too. I have been on maybe 3 bridal trains if I remember correctly and I did it out of obligation. I tend to decline trains because I find many brides become unreasonable and make you pay an arm and a leg because they feel it is their day. Now bridal trains are like ask ebi to me, if you can’t afford it, don’t be afraid to speak up, that bride isn’t going to suffer with you when your bills are due and such. I am having a destination formal, frankly I don’t expect any of my friends to come that far and then pay an extra $200 for a dress, it just doesn’t make sense to me. Part of the reason for taking the formal away is I want something small and neutral. Husband and I were going to go away alone, but then the emotional blackmail from family members started. That said my two maid of honors volunteered themselves, as they felt slighted I didn’t want a train. In all this one person has already dropped out in less than 4 weeks. lol. My point is this, sometimes we have good intentions, but there are many other ways of doing things.
For all the people that I have declined being on their train or buying their aso ebi, I find ways to try to make it up. I remember a family friend sent out her asoebi details, she put it’s “only N20K”. The “only” rubbed me off very wrong as I was having a horrible month financially, I had maybe N15k in my current account and was stressed out as my debtors who I had worked for refused to pay. The language rubbed me wrong, so when her wedding came around I jejely put N5k in an envelope and gave it to her. I am sure there will be bills after the wedding anyway. there always is something to pay up on. A friend who I declined to be on her train, I offered to pay for the flowers for the bridal train, another I offered to do small souvenirs for.
I don’t believe I am a bridezilla, to be honest most days I can’t even be bothered. I still try to figure out where people get the energy for the whole it must be perfect business. Nothing is meant to be perfect, it’s just meant to feel right. At least that’s my take on things for now. Folks are telling me to hold aso ebi, my 4th cousin asked for pix of the aso ebi and I was wondering this thing isn’t that serious, she got married last year and I didn’t ask her questions, I just sent my money in. And I was put off because, her in particular, my dad was the father of the day, father of the day isn’t free. Before you ask the asoebi is N15k, and I have not put a mandate on anybody to buy it, in saying so I only did 20 pieces so far, 8 are already gone. I know a lot of last minuters will show up and I am just going to be frank and say it is finished, because I am not sharing asoebi a week before my wedding, when I want to be in America relaxing and eating assorted food.
My husband and I spoke this morning about wedding stuff, bills to be paid, the costs that our parents aren’t covering and we just told ourselves, we will do our best and call it a day a beg. We have life, we have love, we have each other and most of all we have God. The school has to get set up before the year runs out, I am not in the mood to just keep putting out money that we don’t have or that could be put to better use.
Anyways enough wedding rant. It is September, and I have a lot to be thankful for. It is the 9th month of the year, I am alive, hale and hearty, and so are my family members and friends. For that I am grateful.
My random act of kindness for today Monday – I gave my housekeeper a bag.
Lets see how today turns out – I have some work to deliver to a client before the week runs out, something about a recycling facility. God help me.