Ok so I had a horrible night last nite. Was up watching body bizarre on TLC till 2am and had to be up by 7.30am. Let’s just say I am truly starting to understand my level of functionality. Anyways a thought really just occurred to me. And I kind of feel like ranting. I have since completed the business plan for TMS. Keeping in mind that this is literally going to be my life, I had a very difficult time asking Robot to read it. I felt exposed. Still trying to assess why I felt that way but I realise that I have shared a part of me, a very very big part with him. Not that there is anything wrong with sharing, but the incessant hurt in the past has made me wary of sharing. I learnt to keep my treasures close to my heart. Maybe that combined with my fear of criticism from someone that close. Anyways it got done, glad that’s over. The school has become easier to discuss with him since now he has an idea of what my future is likely to look like and understand my reason for doing things.
I grateful to get that out of the way. Waiting for some more feedback. I really don’t expect much help from anyone and have grown to be a little too independent that I am starting to learn how to need people in my life. I believe this will help me grow as a person and force me to interact accordingly. Learning to take the good, the bad, and the hideously ugly (Nigerian thing) as it comes in stride.
A few nights I have woken up in a cold sweat wondering about how to finish out this dream and execute it. Some days I am scared, many days my conviction is strong that it is my God ordained path and for me, how the spirit leads me is the way I walk.