I am not even sure if this is a rant or a post….but one thing I notice with many women across the board is the need to “sacrifice” for everyone over ourselves. It oftens starts from childhood where we are taught to sacrifice for our siblings, adulthood where we are taught to sacrifice and audition for men, then narrow that to one man and then sacrifice for our children and then grandchildren.
No one tells us it is ok to just exist for ourselves. No one tells us that when we forfeit our dreams or goals to take care of others it’s not ok because we are generally dying inside. No one tells us half of the people we spend our lives sacrificing and auditioning for will not appreciate our efforts…and may sometimes even kick us in the face.
I notice a lot of us women define ourselves in relativity to our relationships with others – daughter, wife, mother etc. We never just say woman is who we are. I sit with a lot of older women from time to time and I find these women are troubleshooting the problems or challenges of people in the lives. For example- siblings are sick, parents are sick, husband is broke, child can’t read etc.
While I am an advocate for playing our part as human beings, it is almost heartbreaking to see women repeat what I see as a consistent mistake in our lives. There is no trophy for mother or wife of the year, neither is there a trophy for neglecting your dreams or goals. Many women seem to find it hard to reconcile this and that is why when you look at us we become resentful when that relationship in which we “invested 3 years of cooking, cleaning and supporting ” another human being doesn’t work out. Rather if we were focused on ourselves, the three years would be chucked up to a “life happens” type scenario and be able to move on.
My thought process is simple these days. My first point of concern as a human being is myself…selfish as it may sound it gives me peace. My second is my nuclear family with the husband. All has to be well with me before it can be well with another- based on my relationship with them. My point is me first and not worrying much about anyone else to the point where I lose myself and wake up at 60 and wonder what I have done with my life. As for children no matter how much you do for them- there will always be the child that believes their parent could have done things somewhat differentlt so why fuss if that’s a possibility?
Women need to start going overboard for themselves instead of all this over sacrificing that we do for others and maybe we will all end up the better for it, that way we dont end up resentful when all is said and done.
Just my two cents- please share your thoughts.