Dating Criteria

Yes yes before you say anything I was once single and ever ready to mingle…i saw the post below and I found it a bit disturbing. Women seem to subscribe to the idea that a certain type of behaviour or outlook on life gets you married or married quicker and I sit and think to myself who lied to you?

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The babe in the above instagram message believes that her fortune (i say that with loads of sarcasm) came from moving to lekki and jogging on the bridge…and thats how she met a husband.

I love my mother for many obvious reasons- some unobvious ones are the things she taught me that many mothers don’t teach their daughters

1. Dating is a part of life – enjoy it and decide the qualities you think you want in a partner.

2. Sex is normal – the urge is normal, however be selective in the people you chose to sleep with.

3. Abortion is not a form of birth control- protect yourself first and if something goes wrong it can be a last resort after you have reconciled your feelings. Nobody is above mistakes.

My mother never outrightly told me that marriage was a golden goose that would be delivered to me. Rather my mom was more interested in my overall being. I never lied to go on dates, neither did I ever lie about my bf. I dated someone for five years and my mom had his number.  I never felt any kind of way saying oh Mother I am going out to xyz with so and so here is their phone number in case. You catch my drift.

Now i look at the Nigerian dating scene and I find a lot of things amiss especially with young women. Marriage is not a prize in gold – many people are unhappy. ..Disney is not real – your husband is your lifetime roomate and woe betide you if you end up with the one that is not compatible with your personality.

I believe many challenges folks face in marriage stems from their dating years. You feel like you can do better than who you married – did you date properly before you got married to understand if that person you are committing to is you cuppa tea or coffee? Or you were just so happy to marry?

Dating and sex are two totally different things. Either or should be within whatever you feel comfortable with – the primary issue with sex is you can confuse or muddle up feelings. However if two adults have consented it, is what it is.

I always look back fondly on my dating years and I smile because I truly had a good time. I have a few horror stories too, but men I had fun. I will entertain you with some stories….

I once got on a 1 hour flight from Dubai to Muscat to go on a date and I ended up not going back home till the next day. Lunch turned into dinner and dinner turned into the club and next thing it was 4am leaving the club and I had to be at work in Dubai for 8am. Lol.

Or the numerous times I put “in a meeting sign” on my office door and went out to brunch. The alcohol fuelled brunches were my favourite in Dubai.  Those fridays that one has to work and one admirer is calling your name loud and clear. Lol. The Fairmont, Al Qasr, Yalumba, Mina al salam – I was somewhere every friday 😂

Or the time I agreed to go on a date with a pilot when he told me he had a small plane. Funny thing is I made sure he took me over the long Island sound in NY and we would stop for breakfast and then I would barf the breakfast on the way back. He also would let me fly the plane.

Or one time when I was in Baghdad and one CIA guy liked me a lot and offered to take me to an off base Iraqi restaurant that was by the Saddam arms in the red zone (think danger). I went because of the legendary Mesgouf and the guy said he would allow me shoot his pistol at the firing range.😅. Let’s just say the same guy set up my bicycle that I used to ride around the green Zone complete with bell and basket since I didn’t like walking anywhere.

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Waiting for the basket to be put on

The thing with dating for me is that its fun. The reason I agreed to a first date with my husband was his suggestion of Japanese food – I love food…good food.  And for a whole month we dated over food. I also noticed he didnt leave me much room to date anyone else even if I wanted to…smart guy. And he indulged my cake habits…he was very easy to marry…I had next to no hangups about him at that point. Within three weeks I was like I can marry this guy and 10 months later we were at the Ikoyi registry giggling like fools on my birthday.

How do you view dating? Do you think of it as a fun activity or the lead on to your destiny? Whats the most fun date you have been on? Please share.

NESTR
OAD

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7 Comments on Dating Criteria

  1. Awww miss pynk. Im so jelox of all your adventures. Me, my dating experiences was just dry n boring jare.

    I hoped that marriage would offer me the opportuntiy to groove. But naaaaa, there’s always one thing to do. I cant wait for. My kids to grow up a bit so i can hang out with a few galfrnds once in a while, cos im mega bored.

    However before my hubby n i got married we did a few fun stuff together.
    I advice young girla i come across, pls have fun and enjoy being single , cos if u end up marrying too soon and to the wrong guy, they’d feel cheated, short-changed n filled with lots of regret.

    Fun for me now isnt runs o, cos these young gals r so confused as to what they want.

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  2. Chrisyinks // March 20, 2016 at 15:10 // Reply

    Excuse me, hollop, may I get to know you *the thoughts that first came to my head when I opened the post*.

    To the post at hand, I share similar views with you on most aspects of dating. I pray the lady in Joro’s post finds all the happiness she deserves in her budding union.

    There’s so much beauty in discovering and developing self that makes one attractive to the opposite sex. Putting too much efforts on being placed at the vanguard so that one could be seen and possibly snatched by a bae puts pressure on one to live up to certain expected standards or norms of dating. The problem with living up to the Joneses is that one doesn’t get to fully explore self (one’s potentials, preferences, dislikes and generally life itself).

    I remember once when I had to *kidnap* a girl to take her out. At the end of it all, couldn’t find her choice restaurant within the vicinity. My most fun date was one when we had to spend twice the period of time for the date. Talking to each other and getting to know my date proved very interesting. Was supposed to be done by like 6pm, didn’t get back till like 11pm.

    PS: Your mother appears to be a very wise lady, *scratches head*, errrm, any other marriageable lady in your family; sister, half-sister, cousin, grand mother, great grand-mother etc. the only criteria is that she must have passed under your mum’s tutelage………..

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  3. My mom’s philosophy was let any boys toasting her daughters come to the house. She wants to see the kind of gentlemen her daughters are giving eyes.

    Can’t think of my fave date. But with one of my exes, we had awesome dates over great food. We would easily drive over an hour to go eat.

    Newly single and I’m definitely out to have fun dating. Maybe I’ll have some interesting stories in a few months. Lol

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  4. Just like you my favourite dating time, was when I was dating my husband. We had such an adventurous and beautiful time together that he proposed to me just within 7 months of dating. He is the most fun, in fact only fun I’ve had in all the relationships I had ever been in. But I guess it’s because just like your opinion, I actually decided to start dating for fun, enjoy myself and live a little more. We’ve discovered more countries together than we ever thought and are still doing so even after getting married.
    It’s actually fun to marry the person who agrees with you personality wise.
    My mum is also like yours. Although her sudden freedom came when I was going to 3rd year of my university. She was friends with my ex also and my husband while we were dating.

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  5. Can I just find a fun soul mate already… Lol I am still not sure abt the guys in my life..

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  6. I enjoyed reading this! And I’ve missed you. Lol

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