Airlines

Since I am doing the opinion thing I might as well take a stab at these flying folks or airlines as we call them. For as far back I can remember I have had a reason to “enter” or should I say “climb” plane. That’s possibly one of the few advantages of having parents who don’t come from the same place.

I was watching TV and it brought back memories of my childhood, when a lot of flights were smoking flights. Lol. They had a smoking section and a few times we ended up there due to late purchase of ticket or wonky check in- the only 5 seats together. My dad was quite smart though, in that he rarely ever travelled with us, considering some of the tickets he even used to buy. A few times we went from Lagos to Amsterdam to Curacao to Jamaica to NY and then return trip was the same exact mess. Coming to think about it, myself and my siblings have gone halfway around the world unaccompanied and my parents weren’t paranoid…parenting….

I will describe the airlines as best as I can using cake…since I did ice cream already. Lol.

KLM…my best memories of KLM is Schipol…and my worst memory was always trying to figure out the sh*t they were serving disguised as food. We got very good treatment especially travelling with my mom or unaccompanied. My mom is the woman that looks like everything…even some days Northerners think she is Hausa.  So the flight attendants always thought she was Dutch.

KLM…is like coconut cake..you anticipate the taste only to find out there isn’t coconut flakes in it.

Air Jamaica…almost your stereotypical black airline. Usually on time, no real complaints..except sometimes you can’t understand their accents….go figure.

This airline is like Jamaican Rum Cake.

American Airlines….I avoid them unless I am flying in the states. Their food reminds me of frozen food entrees that they warm up before they serve you. And their attendants are older so woe betide you if they think you ask for something you shouldn’t have.

This airline is like cakes and cream Generic vanilla cake.

United Airlines…similar opinion as American Airlines. Funny I have a good friend that works for them and has offered discount tickets and I have flat out refused. He is responsible for west Africa. Not all discounts are worth it in my opinion.

This Airline to me is Queens cake…the type of cake where you are not sure if you are eating cake or bread.

British Airways…old in every sense of it…entertainment is dated, menu is bleh. If not careful a British airways flight longer than 6 hours can leave one suicidal. I kid you not.

Think about this…your cousin just started baking and swears she can make red velvet and then you order it…turns out she just colored a vanilla cake red and yelled Red Velvet. The joke is on you.

Kenya Airways – this airline is another one of your cousins aspiring for a good life, but realises they will fall short somewhat.

This airline is like adulterated but mangeable chocolate cake

Delta – Delta Delta Delta..from where do I start? Take away from the fact that they have direct flights into the US, I can’t find anything good about them. My mom however is getting older and prefers these flights- so I simply avoid travellig with her. One time Delta told us in flight that they couldn’t pump water from Lagos onto the plane because of US regulations. ..i mean come on…only hand sanitiser was in use. I called my friend over at United it wasn’t true- they just felt the water wasn’t clean enough. Hand sanitizer for a 12 hour flight is not it…I am sorry.

This airline is those cakes the hawk in transparent glass cases….aka Hawker cake….you don’t even bother trying to figure out the flavour.

Virgin Atlantic – aahh Virgin Atlantic to me is up there with Emirates. I love the fact that they have premium economy- at least I can treat myself to an upgrade every now and then. With the exception of Emirates, I don’t believe any other airline has better food, service and entertainment.

Virgin is like Ganache (heavy chocolate Ganache). Sometimes the Chocolate is just a little too overwhelming.

South African Airways….these guys are good. Service is good, alcohol is free flowing, food tastes nice. Service is equally impressive.

South African is a good chocolate cake.

Turkish Airlines….Turkish are actually a good airline. Food is tasty, entertainment is ok, and I love Istanbul so I have a bit of a bias.

Turkish is one of those fancy cakes where you order thats chocolate on the inside and has coconut & m&m toppings, liquor etc. Sounds good but till you eat it, you don’t know whats going to overwhelm you.

Egypt Air.…hmmm, hmmm hmmm. Very very disturbing with flight delays, older aircraft and is just not it.

These guys are bread..Agege bread not even cake.

Air France….not a bad airline. Food, service and entertainment seem acceptable. They aren’t bad but they arent exactly top notch either.

Air France is marble cake…nothing spectacular…

Lufthansa….this airline is not bad, but definitely not for everyone. Their food is decent and so is their entertainment. Their service is also decent. The Frankfurt factor though leaves me with much to desire. 

Lufthansa is like Cheese Cake when you are lactose Intolerant.

Qatar Airlines…i have a bias towards this airline. While they are very good, their meal options in the past have left quite a bit to be desired. And to a certain extent i had a layover confusion and flight contiuation issue with them. They had no Pescetarian menu to order from while I was excercising my love for seafood.

Qatar is original Red Velvet with real cream cheese frosting.

Emirates…all i can say about these folks is even if you buy economy their service is above average including their Lagos leg. The lagos leg of every airline is probably the worst flight any airline has. Their business class is a dream. I never reach first class yet sha. I gave up on Emirates due to Barotrauma…i couldn’t do the distance anymore and after living in the middle east and moving, “it doesn’t worth” the potential health issues of barotrauma. Did I tell you their lounge is the absolute best? Well in my semi drunkard days- i used to gbadun myself.

Emirates to me is like carrot cake with the right cream cheese frosting absolutely pleasant.

Nigerian Airlines- Arik, Aero, – not even cake these guys are akara. Medview might be sweet sensation akara…a bit more presentable.

I hope your week has been lightened. Not everyday serious. This post was inspired by a 7 hour flight across the pond which may unarguably be one of the worst flights of my life. If not for the fact that my millions have not shown up yet, i wouldn’t use the return British Airways ticket….they are just uninspired as far as I am concerned.

NESTR
OAD

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26 Comments on Airlines

  1. Nigerian Airlines are not even akara, i’d say they are ‘BUNS’…lol
    I remember flying arik from jos to lagos early this year….our safe landing was just God’s grace!!!

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  2. Miss Pynk! 🙂 @ Akara.

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  3. I dont think those nigerian airlines deserve to be described as akara sef cos some akaras are really nice n nigerian airlines not soo nice like that

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  4. Surely you must read minds. Was just having a very similar convo with your person yesterday.

    Omo you pple better suck things up and align with that united friend for next yr oh. If not be prepared for 3 stops.

    Funny I agree with your analysis for the airlines I have flown. Hands down Emirates remain #1. I would fly them everywhere if I had time. But this useless vacation policy in yankee forces me to maximize vacay time by going with shortest flights. Sigh.

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    • Lol, we don’t like united – say no to United Bee! I would rather three stops on virgin than United. Emirates is still king, but time consuming.

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  5. I love Morocco
    But don’t even try air Maroc
    You will be so Infused in their planes that you’ll literally be smelling like Incense at the end of your trip sigh#
    Also those guys money pass naija customs.
    I remember in the good ol days and I had a significant amount of cash on me.
    The guy that checked me in was like Alhamdudidilia( apologies if I didn’t get the right spelling) when he saw the amount of cash on me. After wards they all like moth to a flame proceed to abandon their jobs, follow me about literally begging for egunge*
    Insert BB scared look! I couldn’t wait to gerradia as I was traveling alone.
    Still love Morocco tho and all the beauty treatments you could get on a dime on a dollar.

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    • Brown, Its only one person that has ever said Royal Air Maroc was decent and that was my dad, maybe they give older folks better consideration, but the horror stories I have heard even if I die and they try to fly my dead body on that airline, I will resurrect. lol.

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  6. ha! you perfectly described Nigerian airlines. try flying arik to london and see shege. i recently flew Kenya Airways, you description is very apt. they are trying but aren’t there yet, the flight was on time and smooth but the food was horrible! I flew Egypt air once and it was actually a nice.
    My mum is a loyal member of turkish airlines, I haven’t tried them before but the reviews from you two makes me want to try.

    P.S why do most of these airlines send old planes whenever their coming to Nigeria? haba we pay alot of money na.

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    • Zoe, I flew Arik to London once, it wasn’t great but it wasn’t exactly horrible either. They send old planes to Nigeria because our government doesn’t care about the quality of the planes, just the money they get from the airlines.

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  7. Hillarious post indeed Pynk. You won’t kill person o.

    Nigerian airlines to me fall under “kulikuli”, akara is too much.

    Terrible manners, not “customercentric” @ all.

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  8. i think Emirates is the best airline yet!!! Pynk you could hook some of us up with the united Airline guy so we can get discounted tickets too!!

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    • Frances you know people only share their discounts generally with the people who don’t want them. lol. He has consistently offered me, but complains about a friend who asks for the discount. Emirates is king and has an awesome rewards program.

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  9. Turkish airline has got to be my worse, flew with them,they delayed my flight over night without providing accommodations , air France another story altogether . Didn’t want to put my mom and I on the flight we paid for and booked in advance oh!! Klm has been ok for me. Delta not so much except when I flew Paris – USA it was wonderful

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  10. Hmmm. Nigerian airlines, I throway nyash for them. The last time I flew (Arik), I was actually sweating. I didn’t know you could sweat in a plane. Takeoff was delayed for some reason and these people couldn’t even keep the engine running and put on the air conditioner. I had never experienced such a thing before then. Tufiakwa!

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  11. Delta is a close cousin to naija airlines. I swear they have the tightest planes. Jam packing as many seats as possible. They also have poor customer service.

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  12. KLM is it for me. Would try Emirates some day.

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  13. Lool@ sweet sensation akara

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  14. Ikoya Adewale // September 26, 2015 at 18:24 // Reply

    nigeria will get it right someday #believe

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