Marriage..Money Sharing Scheme?

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I was reading a popular website and it was about two alleged silver spoon kids currently dating. I say alleged because many of the folks people assume have money especially in Lagos tend to have little or are merely existing on old glory. Quote me on that one, it’s not a matter of hating – I have some as long time friends and some that I have placed in the acquaintance buckets – I have varying degrees of those buckets.

Yes I know some of these folks well enough to understand the prevailing mindsets and also understand that while they have reached physical adulthood, some haven’t reached financial and emotional adulthood. Parents are still buying them cars and giving them houses or paying rent. My siblings and I probably would have ended up similarly as liabilities but my parents decided they didn’t want dependent adult children, so they did the needful- threw us in the deep sea in the land of the promised. We all had to fend for ourselves…it’s in the last 3 years my dad has openly disclosed the way he wants assets distributed after he dies. He told us for a very long time we had no inheritance, so its your loss if you waste your time and wait around instead of building your life. Many of our friends also erroneously put us in their silver spoon bracket- don’t ask me…because for the life of me I don’t understand that one.

Back to the purpose of this post- people keep making the mistake of thinking that when two alleged silver spoon children marry, its about vacations to the Maldives at will etc. Most times those vacations are not as frequent as they seem – I am very suspicious of people who post blow by blow pictures of their lives on social media- if you engage in something regularly enough you won’t feel the need to take a picture everytime you do it. Aka- “going to london for summer business class”, picnic in Hyde Park, Hanging out in time Square etc. I have never understood those things – that need to overshare – if its not a big deal you won’t share it. At least I travel and I don’t put up ugly pictures of my face everytime I get on the train or bus or aeroplane. Many people are showing others their “alleged” good life.

Some of these people are existing on loans (the debtors lists are out NIGERIAN BANKS), the money that was deposited into banks by generally hardworking folks who the banks will ask for their first born child and deceased grandparents as collateral should they decide to even consider applying for a loan. Some young couples lives are being dictated by whoever the richer in law is. I have seen a case where the bride’s  father was richer – grooms parents gave the couple a flat in lekki with Range Rover, the bride’s father came wih a Porsche and Banana Island Flat. The beginning of chaos for any marriage.

For me a few things in life are important, I don’t care who your father is – i am more concerned about your work ethic and sense of accountability. I can’t use anyboy’s father to judge them and then be left struggling for inheritance after the said father has died. There are a lot of prominent families in court – 30 years and running because a bunch of 60 year olds couldnt move past what their fathers left behind and how it is to be shared.  When you build your own stuff, what your father left is incosequential. My paternal grandpa has been dead for over 22 years – many of his assets are still in a trust…it is not being paid out to anyone – i know because I am an administrator. Nobody is fighting over anything everybody is busy working for their survival and future.

My husband has solid work ethic and is very accountable. After I lost over half of my networth when the market crashed hit around that 2009/2010 period- it took me a few years feeling sorry for myself. When I met him, he made me want to stop feeling sorry for myself – and understanding that while retirement at 30 or $$ millionaire status didn’t happen – its ok to crash. But its not ok to stay down, and he is a bronze spoon child, maybe silver sha, but we fend for our household independent of family. Few people have asked laughable questions as to who match made us- yes my mom gets asked that a lot. Because apparently i married “well”. For me it was the work ethic that attracted me and his level of financial independence.

My point is that while people seem to complain about the so called rich marrying the rich- folks cannot be flies on the wall in those marriages because until you get there- you may think its fuss worthy till you realise babe has to keep asking her in laws for housekeeping allowance etc or that both sets of parents have negative networths and owe the banks to the hilt.

I for one don’t trust it when people say someone has old money in Nigeria, industries and companies rarely survive multiple generations. If you check out something – look at a family with “money”- clout or wealth. Say the father has money- it is likely the children will be mediocre by their parents standards – they will go to school on his dime etc but they will not start their own enterprise- they will come and run what he left behind and generally become average. It is the wealth creator’s grandkids that often become more successful than their parents because less assets likely trickled down to them…its a theory I am still testing in Nigeria  only though.

The “rich marrying the rich” shouldn’t disturb anybody – because only them can understand their burdens and frankly its nothing to envy. Some of them have greater issues than the married couple where both husband and wife are mid level bankers who have solid plans and are able to cooperate with each other. Is money really being shared as alleged by the complainant? In my opinion no…

And in Nigeria we also tend to assume that people who make the most noise are the wealthiest. Lol. Discussion for another day.

Please share your thoughts on the rich marrying the rich.

Win something here HERE

It is highly unlikely there will be a friday post –  a bit of a mental block and I am in the middle of a few things that require my attention.  Please if there is any topic you want discussed or even my opinion on be sure to let me know. I am considering adding reviews of businesses I vist or services I utilise….its just a current thought…I am critical of customer service and I don’t want to be stoned in the streets though…so.

NESTR
OAD

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11 Comments on Marriage..Money Sharing Scheme?

  1. This title is funny
    The rich can marry themselves all they want,they shaa shouldnt forget the place of hardwork and the joy of being independent not all the time ask Daddy

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    • Crimson no adult should be asking daddy. I can’t even go to my father for a loan talkless of a dash me situation and I am a woman. I just can’t do it. The titles are always meant to be funny, remember I have a lousy sense of humor. lol.

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  2. I always say it, people should never have to apologize for their family’s financial status. And this goes both ways, wealthy or not. rich-rich , rich-poor, poor -poor, as long as they all know what they are looking for and both sides are alinged, make dem carry go.

    That being said people marry for different reasons, so you get what you are looking for. shikena

    I for one cannot be with any man that is dependent on his parents. Yes its a blessing for parents to leave their children an inheritance, but thats different from being financially dependent on someone else. Whoever holds the money is in control. Why will i marry a man only to be controlled by his father? I might as well marry the father now.

    Too much washing in naija sha. some have real money, some have credit money, some have old glory they are riding on. Which one is my own, its not like they are sharing money for me. so make i waka pass.

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    • Bee nobody is asking anyone to apologise – but what if it is ill gotten wealth? Does that matter?I can’t deal with a dependent adult either oh.

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  3. Lucynthia // August 6, 2015 at 23:15 // Reply

    Thank you for picking me. But I’ve not received the email yet.pls kindly confirm that its this address Lucynthia88@gmail.com.

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  4. Lucynthia // August 6, 2015 at 23:22 // Reply

    Let the rich continue to marry the rich o. I don’t understand why people have to depend solely on what their father is leaving behind. That’s a “lazy” attitude if u ask me. There’s alot of respect that comes from earning your own money.
    All this people that have decided to give full details of their life on social media selling unrealistic expectations to the public. Lol. I wish them well…..

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    • Lucynthia – that should be the tagline for social media “selling unrealistic expectations to the public” – Lol. A lot of people are ok with just existing it seems.

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  5. Hi OAD, you are an inspiration to me. Thanks for the article.

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