Firstly- Ramadan Kareem to all my Muslim brothers and sisters.
In the spirit of my one year weding anniversary coming up on the 20th of June which happens to be my birthday i am doing as many posts as I can on marriage and what it means to me. Someone might learn something from it, and it might also help me give a truthful evaluation of my situation-ship.
I have made mention of the five hour first date i had with him which i didn’t realise was supposed to be a date. I went out for free food and it turned out to be the best five hours i have ever invested in a first date. The Japanese food, and considering how much sushi costs in Lagos, it was a win win for me since i wasnt willing to spend the money myself.
Over a short period of dating my husband, i noticed a few traits…
1. He loves his mother beyond all reasonable doubt, and she must not pass through any hardship.
2. He is hardworking- my husband is always working. He spends at least 75% of his time working. I used to be a mega slacker when i met him, but his work ethic reminded me i needed to go back to my go getter ways. He makes me want to do better.
3. He is a gentleman in the true sense.
4. My husband is kind. Very very kind. Kind but firm.
5. My husband is the face next to the word accountable in the dictionary. His word is his bond, he never flipflops and doesn’t say what he won’t do.
6. My husband ate anything i put on a table for him during the dating phase. I made him kidney peas soup one time and he had never seen that in his life. He also ate the bacon wrapped pawpaw i gave him – he insulted it at first but loved it.
7. My husband understand my cultural identity issues. I speak yoruba like a market woman, he understands that when I am angry, i am from Brooklyn, when I am feeling Nostalgic – I am from long Island and when i am feeling Jovial i am from – Lagos Mainland. I have many alter egos- there is one called Bose…he accepts all these people. When i am feeling Irie- i also do a bada** Jamaican accent to make fun of my cousins…
8. I never had to correct my husband or fight him. Nothing and i repeat nothing trumps peace.
9. My husband is extremely humble. He never gave me the do you know who my father is speech. Then again we are two independent adults, so it was not necessary as neither of us was social climbing.
10. My husband is not a town boy. We are both people that can stay home and enjoy ourselves at home. We like our own company and also like each other’s company.
11. We let each other be. Nobody was trying to build an ideal girlfriend or boyfriend- we were mature enough to accept each other as is. My warped sense of humour, his equally messed up one.
12. My husband also never discusses our challenges with anyone. We keep our problems or issues to ourselves and deal with them when we are both ready.
For me, all in all my husband made me feel safe, less paranoid, secure and a big part of his life. And I love him, and i realise love is not enough for a marriage – different discussion for a different day.
Most importantly, i was ready to share my life with someone, and the stars aligned. God spoke to me and i was alert when he spoke to me. I look back at some of my prior relationships and realise either i was emotionally absent or just going through the motions.
I married my partner in crime and while he is not perfect, I choose to ignore his short comings as his awesomeness is amazing! I look forward to the peaceful days ahead with my yellow freckled hunk of hunks😍.
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