Social Media and Relationships

I had a post ready for this bright and early Monday morning, till i was catching up on websites and ran into the saga of the month. I call it saga of the month, because it too shall pass – popular On Air Personality’s husband in Nigeria impregnates another woman. I have read three to four different blogs and it has me thinking about a few things.

The Man in question is alleged to have dated both women for a combined 8 to 12 years or so each – albeit simultaneously. Now at that rate, they are not side chics in my opinion, both are main chicks. Whether they knew about each other or not is now another matter for the gods. I am of the opinion that they knew of each others existence, the guy cant be that good…

There is nothing worse than public shame. The wife was alleged to have forced the man into marrying her through trickery on social media about a year ago. It was also alleged that he had stood her up a few times prior for introductions and at the Ikoyi Registry- Lagos is a small place and bad news travels faster than the internet can carry it. It was also alleged that this same man beat and maltreated her for the decade or so they dated and that she married the 40 year old well heeled Lagos Socialite (there are claims he has a name but no money) out of desperation. He also allegedly chose the wife over the now Baby Mother for marriage because her attitude and relationships with his family was in better standing. Pictures of the said man and the two women, he allegedly looks more at ease with the baby mama than the actual wife. Go to the major gossip blogs, you will find the pictures there. The wife has allegedly deleted all pictures of them together from her social media, but i am sure the internet detectives can locate pictures.

I am pondering a series of questions.  When God speaks to us, do we listen? Were the signs all there for the wife and she refused to see them? Or did she simply think she would pray them away in a bid to get married? I ask this because i have approached things from this angle before. I dated someone who was glaringly not for me, and whenever i prayed to God to show me, the situation would deteriorate, so at a point i ended up praying for God to fix it, despite him showing me it was not his plan for me. At the end i prayed for God to show me, because i was tired out from trying to fix a thing that was never meant to be mine. And he showed me in the clearest way possible. So when God speaks to us do we listen?

From the outside looking in, its very easy for people to judge and say xyz should have done this or that. As it seems that both women are main chicks. He loved one enough to marry her, and he loved the second enough to pregnate her – likely a number of times and she chose to keep it this time. While there is nothing wrong with a love triangle, all parties involved should be aware. You would be amazed at situations adults would consent to willingly.

Several people have blamed the wife for being out going and attending events to boost her career. Since when did it become a crime to pursue a dream or career because you  are married? Who knows if she suggested delaying child bearing so they could be better off financially before having children? Forget the guy’s age, they barely had a wedding by Nigerian standards, and finances were alleged to be an issue then. What if she is battling with fertility issues? The guy might have simply figured he would keep sleeping with side chic and even if she got pregnant,  abortion is an option, and this time she simply refused to cooperate with his plan?

The irony of all this, the wife has professed her love for her husband all over social media and he publicly made a fool of her. She has also honed a little part of the internet through her relationship advice – which she sort of became more assertive doing after she got married. Did she know she was living a lie? Only her and God know, but her husband has either made her career or broken it. Because the public is all so aware of her public relationship advice vlog, if she stays with that man and decides to forgive him, very few people will take her seriously. If she chooses to walk away she loses the coveted Mrs title and may get a cold bed temporarily . ..its no ones business what you do with your life, but social media appearance of perceived perfection leaves your life open to scrutiny and leaving people thinking they are stakeholders in it.

I am for everybody and nobody in these circumstances. Because infidelity in itself is one thing, children with someone else other than your spouse is another, and public scrutiny of your life and marriage- whether you deserve it or not is another. Its only God that can help all the three parties involved, i wish them well on their search for their own truths, sometimes its never as simple as it appears. We must all love in our own truths whether or not others approve as no marriage is perfect.

Please share your thoughts on situations like this.

My parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary on the 14th of June. And my dad says it seems like people in the church were wondering how they are still married. My mom thinks its because they think foreigners marriages to Nigerians don’t last. Discussion for another day… if….we had a causal lunch at their house, 3 of the 4 children present with 4 of their 6 grand kids present – so i am grateful for their journey.

The shoe giveaway is still HERE.

NESTR
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11 Comments on Social Media and Relationships

  1. Hmmmm.. miss pynk..the matter haff kinda tire me! It was even le hubby that brought my attention to it and he was feeling really sorry for her. As you said, I agree that the signs would always have been there albeit subtle, and now you have kinda clarified it for me by summarizing the blog stories (I was too tired to be reading blogs “ontop” another person matter!) I was even listening to her radio show this morning on my way to work and my friend was expecting her to talk about her “issue” like she does on other issues and I was like ‘how nah?’. I hope she seeks God’s face concerning the issue so she can make the best decision (marriage is not by force! Even the Bible says “put away” where there’s adultery..though reference was made to the men putting away their wives.. and there’s also Forgiveness…) God help her!

    P.s- I want to bring your attention to Sandra’s comment on your shoe giveaway and she seems to have been the only one to have commented.. (please don’t mind my ‘voltron’ o!.. I don’t know the babe and you’re the judge! Just thought to let you know just in case you haven’t seen it. 🙂 Pardon my long comment..lemme go back to my “work”! Have a lovely day!xx

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    • Dmbae a lot of us don’t know what to say. I don’t think i have ever used allegedly so many times in my life. I saw Sandra’s comment, i however do have to keep the post open till midnight tonight.

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  2. To think I’m just now watching a programme she’s co anchoring, I just started looking at her like… ironically, the topic of discuss is misogynistic men and she was asked if she can live with a traditional man, she stylishly dodged the question by saying all men are traditional no matter their enlightenment, it’s there in levels. That her answer just told me her hubby is not all that she makes him on social media. I feel bad for her sha cos she’s so out there, I wonder how she’s going to live this down.

    http://www.marriedinph.blogspot.com

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  3. The news hit me early yesterday morning and my heart reached out to her. You are very right, they were both main chicks abeg, 12 and 8 years respectively? And there’s no way both of them wouldn’t have known about the other person.
    I thought I was the only that noticed the chemistry between the dude and the pregnant one in comparison to his body languages or representations in pictures with the wife. It’s all too sad and much of a big deal because of the kind of front the wife makes everyone presume, plus her many ”know-all” vlogs and Instagram teachings.
    I hope she finds all the strength she needs to carry on.

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  4. It just goes to show that no one ever knows what happens in other people’s relationships!

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  5. I really want to say something but I will let it slide. She knew all along that the whole marriage thing was a time bomb. I wish she didnot go back to him after announcing their breakup on social media. You just can’t patch what is broken.

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  6. I just feel sad for her. One voice is saying she knew. Yet I feel sad. She’s the woman he’s made a vow to. If he didn’t ‘feel her much’ and wedded her because of pressure, then shame.
    Anyway, what’s my own?!

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  7. Part of me feels sad for her, no one deserves that kind of humiliation. Another part couldn’t careless coz i feel she knew about the other lady. 8 years is not a joke na, like you said there was no side chic.
    well, i just hope all of them make the right decisions at this time.

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  8. Congratulations to your parents! Many more years of bliss.

    I wish the husband, wife an mistress all the wisdom they need at this time.

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  9. Lessons i learnt from the saga: 1. never manipulate people. It will always have a negative effect. 2. face your realities and don’t sugar coat what is bitter. The truth will always reveal itself 3. Always consider the repercussions of decisions taken, that way when the shit hits the fan you have your large umbrella at the ready. 4. When the shit hits the fan don’t act like its all good and you are not minding the smell because other people will learn from it.

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  10. I really want to feel sorry for her, but I am so convinced she was aware of this other babe the entire time.

    My own lessons
    1. You can’t change anyone
    2. Find a man who loves you more than you love him.
    3. Don’t force your love down people’s throats. You have nothing to prove to anyone.
    4. Having a successful career is better than being in an unhappy marriage
    5. There is more to life than being a Mrs.
    6. If only 1 person is doing all the work to make a relationship last, the relationship is doomed

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