I had a post ready for this bright and early Monday morning, till i was catching up on websites and ran into the saga of the month. I call it saga of the month, because it too shall pass – popular On Air Personality’s husband in Nigeria impregnates another woman. I have read three to four different blogs and it has me thinking about a few things.
The Man in question is alleged to have dated both women for a combined 8 to 12 years or so each – albeit simultaneously. Now at that rate, they are not side chics in my opinion, both are main chicks. Whether they knew about each other or not is now another matter for the gods. I am of the opinion that they knew of each others existence, the guy cant be that good…
There is nothing worse than public shame. The wife was alleged to have forced the man into marrying her through trickery on social media about a year ago. It was also alleged that he had stood her up a few times prior for introductions and at the Ikoyi Registry- Lagos is a small place and bad news travels faster than the internet can carry it. It was also alleged that this same man beat and maltreated her for the decade or so they dated and that she married the 40 year old well heeled Lagos Socialite (there are claims he has a name but no money) out of desperation. He also allegedly chose the wife over the now Baby Mother for marriage because her attitude and relationships with his family was in better standing. Pictures of the said man and the two women, he allegedly looks more at ease with the baby mama than the actual wife. Go to the major gossip blogs, you will find the pictures there. The wife has allegedly deleted all pictures of them together from her social media, but i am sure the internet detectives can locate pictures.
I am pondering a series of questions. When God speaks to us, do we listen? Were the signs all there for the wife and she refused to see them? Or did she simply think she would pray them away in a bid to get married? I ask this because i have approached things from this angle before. I dated someone who was glaringly not for me, and whenever i prayed to God to show me, the situation would deteriorate, so at a point i ended up praying for God to fix it, despite him showing me it was not his plan for me. At the end i prayed for God to show me, because i was tired out from trying to fix a thing that was never meant to be mine. And he showed me in the clearest way possible. So when God speaks to us do we listen?
From the outside looking in, its very easy for people to judge and say xyz should have done this or that. As it seems that both women are main chicks. He loved one enough to marry her, and he loved the second enough to pregnate her – likely a number of times and she chose to keep it this time. While there is nothing wrong with a love triangle, all parties involved should be aware. You would be amazed at situations adults would consent to willingly.
Several people have blamed the wife for being out going and attending events to boost her career. Since when did it become a crime to pursue a dream or career because you are married? Who knows if she suggested delaying child bearing so they could be better off financially before having children? Forget the guy’s age, they barely had a wedding by Nigerian standards, and finances were alleged to be an issue then. What if she is battling with fertility issues? The guy might have simply figured he would keep sleeping with side chic and even if she got pregnant, abortion is an option, and this time she simply refused to cooperate with his plan?
The irony of all this, the wife has professed her love for her husband all over social media and he publicly made a fool of her. She has also honed a little part of the internet through her relationship advice – which she sort of became more assertive doing after she got married. Did she know she was living a lie? Only her and God know, but her husband has either made her career or broken it. Because the public is all so aware of her public relationship advice vlog, if she stays with that man and decides to forgive him, very few people will take her seriously. If she chooses to walk away she loses the coveted Mrs title and may get a cold bed temporarily . ..its no ones business what you do with your life, but social media appearance of perceived perfection leaves your life open to scrutiny and leaving people thinking they are stakeholders in it.
I am for everybody and nobody in these circumstances. Because infidelity in itself is one thing, children with someone else other than your spouse is another, and public scrutiny of your life and marriage- whether you deserve it or not is another. Its only God that can help all the three parties involved, i wish them well on their search for their own truths, sometimes its never as simple as it appears. We must all love in our own truths whether or not others approve as no marriage is perfect.
Please share your thoughts on situations like this.
My parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary on the 14th of June. And my dad says it seems like people in the church were wondering how they are still married. My mom thinks its because they think foreigners marriages to Nigerians don’t last. Discussion for another day… if….we had a causal lunch at their house, 3 of the 4 children present with 4 of their 6 grand kids present – so i am grateful for their journey.
The shoe giveaway is still HERE.