So He Cheated On You?

Or Maybe she cheated on you? Are you busy praying and fasting? Are you tightening your belt to get into a physical fight with the person your spouse cheated with? Are you looking for where to purchase acid to throw in the other woman or even girls face- some men have been known to go much younger? Before you do all this, have you decided on how to deal with the cheating spouse? Was the person cheating on you before you married them and were you praying for a miracle that after marriage it would stop?

So they have cheated- who’s fault it is or the reason why “they cheated” is irrelevant at this point. The cheating has occurred. The first logical step is to decide how to deal with it. There are two clear options:

1) Leave the cheat

2) Stay and work it out.

Until the decision is made as to how to deal with the cheating party, the next step is to keep your damn mouth shut. Do not call your friend to discuss the situation, do not reign abuses or curses on the cheating spouse and definitely do not confront the person your spouse cheated with. If you need to talk to someone call on God for whatever it is or pay a therapist. My advise is not the prayer for the person to stop cheating, but for God to strengthen you in dealing with the situation.

The older i get, the more i realize silence is golden, and is also a great reason for paranoia. Most human beings are paranoid when they cannot figure out your course of action. So with a cheating spouse, if you decide to leave, notify the spouse quietly and in dignity why you are leaving. Do not broadcast it to the world, the world is not married to you both.

For the women that choose to stay, open your eyes and read what I am about to write. The fact that you stay with him after you have broadcast his infidelity to the world speaks volumes about you. It makes you look very indecisive, and spineless. Fix your problem with your husband behind closed doors. At best if you want to report him, which i don’t see the point in doing, do it to his mother or his father. Not your own parents or the general public. If your situation is that dire that you need to talk, see a therapist please.

I have had many women tell me about their husband’s infidelity. While I am not judging you, but i will snicker if the man has been cheating on you for the seven years of marriage and you call me to tell me you are trying for baby number 3. Stop disrespecting yourself in public, he is a dog, but keep it private that he is your dog- and you are trying to retrain him- that which in itself might be a hopeless undertaking. The fact you are there and have gone nowhere implies that you are also a toothless dog – for whatever reason, you can only bark but not bite. And at this point i lose respect for you as a woman, and also for your husband – i just end up seeing him as a reckless person who refuses to control himself and hurt those who he is supposed to protect.

This post was inspired by a conversation about a husband and wife who work in the same firm. The wife caught the husband cheating, dude is a well known philanderer, but he happened to be caught red handed this time around. She made sure everyone in their office knew, she called his family, her family, his friends, even his best friend’s father. She is still married to him, so she obviously had no intention of leaving this man, but she disgraced herself in the process. She even insulted his sister during the whole process. She had a private dog before, now she has a public dog- keep your shame private if you intend to stay with that shame. She is married to the guy, and now the guy is publicly cheating – it has become a case of “before i was trying to be discreet, now you have opened my yansh, so i will do it publicly”.

Lets be careful what we wish and bring upon ourselves. I am not condoning infidelity in any way, but if you are going to stick with a cheating spouse, try to do it with part of your dignity intact.

My two cents for the days

NESTR
OAD

Image credit: justlovebyd.com

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12 Comments on So He Cheated On You?

  1. I agree with your thoughts on the second point the most. Dirty linen shouldn’t be washed / spread in public.

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  2. I totally agree
    When you let the whole world know and then you end up staying…you are truly the disgraced party not the man
    Silence is golden…..am gradually learning this

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  3. Yes o! ! I agree. People just open their mouths without thinking of the consequences. The same friends u tell will help u spread the juicy news everywhere. Anyway, the woman always gets the same advice which is : pray for him. God can change him! You know God hates divorce. Mscheeeew! If the woman cheats it is: take her to her fathers house! ! It’s a pity sha that people derive joy in airing their dirty laundry in public.

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  4. I am pro forgiveness whichever of the spouse that cheats (not easy at all though).

    That said, marriage is for matured minds and your inability to keep private matters private is a sign of immaturity… So what were doing when you went to sign the dotted lines 🙂

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  5. Silence is golden not just in marriage but in every type of relationship. If people can just pause to think a little before saying anything, the world will be a better place. Our words are seeds, once the go out you cant take them back again. May God grant us all wisdom in life.

    In order news, tomorrow is my birthday!!!! i’m so i excited as i turn 25!!!!! dancing shoki and moon walk (dont ask me how).

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  6. Never tell anyone what you don’t want anyone to know. Simple truth. If he cheats and you still want to stay, keep it to yourself. Even when your friends are all washing their dirty linen, keep yours in your washing machine. But never lie about your situation… lies have a way of catching up with you. Just avoid the conversation or let people know you just don’t discuss your husband with anyone.

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  7. Silence is indeed Golden! When you keep quiet on issues,trust me the other party will never know your next move and it makes them edgy,which I love most.
    I think the way most people see marriage in this generation is a do or die affair thingy. Can’t deal!

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  8. lucynthia // May 23, 2015 at 06:27 // Reply

    Lol. Its amazing how women do these things. Spreading their dirty linen in public. Marriage says you’d be with this person in all circumstances. Alot of people KNOW before they get married that their spouse cant stay in one place o. They’d still go ahead then a few month down the line they start disturbing God with prayer point.
    I do not condone infidelity, however i don’t support divorce.(in certain cases). Take your time before marriage and afterwards learn to keep your secret SECRET.

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  9. chukwukadibia // May 23, 2015 at 07:53 // Reply

    Mrs pynk,the professor of too much sense .wished I had known you and this blog earlier,so much I learn every time I visit the blog.silence is indeed golden.

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  10. Love this!

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  11. anonymous // June 17, 2015 at 14:24 // Reply

    Your angle on the story that inspired your post is a one sided angle. You do not know her reasons for staying, you do not know their history, you do not really know how their gist went out publicly.
    It is easy to judge because we all do and think you have the lady all figured out, however, we must all be careful of the dangers of a single sided story, which is what has been portrayed here.

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