I Feel Sorry For You – No Not You, Yes You!

No, not you literally,  but i feel sorry for anybody especially Yoruba men who have more than one female child. I was having a conversation with my older cousin who has 3 daughters and one son. His oldest female child is 16 and about to go to the university soon. I had not seen him since my “wedding” last year.

My favourite adult learner aka my mother who is currently a UNILAG student had been harassing me all week to come and help her “look up” some stuff for her program. If i am not careful, look up turns into – ok just help me think about it and type it and email it to me. UNILAG students if you see my mom, just say hi  “Mother pynk” – she is on that campus 4 days a week doing her 2nd masters. Lol. He was visting with her and we were gisting.

Anyway so “brother” and i were talking weddings. And i was trying to explain to him why i dont care much for wedding the way Nigerians have weddings. They are usually too crowded, and generally if you have been to one Nigerian wedding, you have been to all. There is often a level of disorganisation whether its in mushin or at the oriental. Its like either way you are paying for chaos. I met a wedding planner once who told me about a weddig she planned at the Oriental in Lagos. Total wedding costs about n40million- yes you read correctly – and the bride ended up in tears. Guests removed the chairs from the reserved tables and moved them to other tables forcefully. And the guests were willing to fight the ushers and security guards provided.

Minus the pictures, weddings in Nigeria just always seem stressful. I get upset when i think about my traditional wedding and how much was spent. Put simply the money could have started a tangible and profitable business and left change. People can buy apartments or even houses with the money spent on weddings, and start their lives.

Think about it, hall alone for many weddings is around N1 million for one event, food, band etc. If you go lower, half of the guests wont eat, or no drinks. My traditional, the hall flooded, because it rained heavily on the day of, they say showers of blessings-hmmm. I wont mention the name of the hall. Somewhere around Ikeja there.

Anyways i was saying to my big cousin that for me the whole thing was a waste and uneccessary excess and as far as i am concerned the only weddings worth celebrating are the registry and the actual solemnization. I think back to my formal in zanzibar, i went to the pool in the resort and went to the spa before the wedding. I didnt start getting ready till 3pm for a 5.30pm ceremony.

I had given instructions on my decor so it too me literrally 40 minutes to help with the setup. My maid of honour even went horse riding for two hours after. My mom and dad went sight seeing etc. Minimal stress. You are already making one of the biggest decisions in your life, whats with the added stress?

Big Cousin has 3 girls for which he has to start saving, because his first child can show up and say she wants to marry in another 7 years, at that point he has to pay for the thing. I really dont blame people who do strictly by invitation in Nigeria and then bounce uninvited guests hard. I was also saying, imagine half of these expensive weddings, some of them barely last a year after the monies have been spent.

Maybe there should be marriage probation. Initial wedding should be registry with just a priest or Alfa or religious officer of some sort solemnizing the union. Then a year later they can have a party? What do you think? That way maybe if things arent working, nobody will be shaming the couple to work it out because they spent n20 million to do wedding?

Oh yes congratulations to me, yesterday was my 10th month anniversary. My husband thinks it funny i count the months, but you have to celebrate and appreciate the little things.

ASUS Notebook PC – X55OCA SI3. The person with the highest number of comments total for the week wins the computer. Odds of winning are higher if you comment on every post this week April 20 to April 25 2015 midnight. Goodluck to everyone. Item will be picked up either in Ikoyi or Victoria Island.

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Funny thing, the week i have a notebook to give out, my own laptop is misbehaving. Pretty pictures are limited on the blog for now since i am posting off my phone.

NESTR – Nothing Else Significant To Report

OAD

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52 Comments on I Feel Sorry For You – No Not You, Yes You!

  1. peace ogune // April 21, 2015 at 13:12 // Reply

    well as pragmatist, I have always hated weddings until I found out you could use weddings to actually make funds ie dancing with your bride and make sure every sprayed cash is counted and secured. so the ball is really in our hands.

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  2. Happy 10th month anniversary, about wedding maybe i will just go on a weekend with our immediate family and come back married, aint no one got time to spend millions on one day.

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  3. peace ogune // April 21, 2015 at 14:01 // Reply

    I wonder how you celebrate a 10month anni- let me guess. xxx

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  4. Ikoya adewale // April 21, 2015 at 15:58 // Reply

    I was once opportuned to serve food in a wedding n the attitude of most of the guests towards the food was touching despite their packaging in well ironed Aso ebi… People whom u have served before will boldly come and say they haven’t been given anything, tomorrow when their children takes their 10naira they’ll start saying the kid took it from the other spouse

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    • I feel you. It’s the worst thing ever to serve at a wedding. You get pulled in different directions. People behave as if their life depends on eating and drinking at that wedding. My motto has always been to eat before any (whether hungry or not) because you might not get served anything, but when toothpick is being distributed, they start with you.

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      • peace ogune // April 25, 2015 at 09:45 // Reply

        so so funny very true. anyway my mum always say eat before you leave the house. no matter where ur going even biz meetings

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    • peace ogune // April 25, 2015 at 11:00 // Reply

      hahahah I cant imagine serving food in a 9ja party hahahaha

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  5. Ikoya adewale // April 21, 2015 at 16:00 // Reply

    Happy 10th anniversary OAD

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  6. Ikoya adewale // April 21, 2015 at 16:02 // Reply

    And I think the marriage probation idea isn’t a bad one with the way marriages crash these days

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  7. Ikoya adewale // April 21, 2015 at 16:06 // Reply

    With the state of the economy, suggesting ‘house wedding’ too won’t be bad

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    • peace ogune // April 25, 2015 at 11:03 // Reply

      parents are the people to look at with these things they decide at the end of the day. bro you don’t want to do a wedding that your mum is frowning in all the pictures

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  8. Weddings are so expensive in Nigeria these days…

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    • Really expensive… With, many divorces

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    • peace ogune // April 25, 2015 at 11:04 // Reply

      and divorce is sooo cheap that’s why 9ja men will marry 10 to 20 wives native law wedding is not binding child surport is not even counted na wa so many kids in the streets are due to this an okada rider can go to the village and just bring one small girl who has never seen lagos to come and wed na wa sha

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  9. Happy 10th month anniversary 🙂 many more beautiful months ahead.
    Like I always say,Nigeria wedding is so overated and annoying when you think of the wasted energy and resources.

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    • peace ogune // April 25, 2015 at 11:07 // Reply

      wedding today suffer tmrw I pity the women who nevr think when the wedding mnoney is been spent but now start jacking the guy 6 months later for kids school fees

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  10. Happy 10 month anniversary.

    In the past year I have attended 4 weddings that were 100 people or less. I must say those 4 have been the most fun ever. As in mad, stupid, silly fun.

    My Cinderella dreams have quickly gone out the window. I plan on going back to the basics. My engagement will be at home just like back in the days (no crowd, family and my bffs). White I hope to keep 200 or less. Quality over quantity.

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  11. On a side note, who pays for the wedding when a yoruba babe marries an igbo man?

    Anyone seen the post on BN’s IG. Will you start a Gofundme page to pay for your wedding? Some of the responses have me in complete shock

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  12. I agree @kiki, weddings r damn too xpensive, overated and someworth annoying these days.. .

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  13. Lol, my dad has 3 girls!

    Lately I’ve been thinking about a quiet wedding, just us,our families and close family friends. It most likely wont go down that way but,that’s what i would like.

    I love that probation idea, it would save a lot of daddies plenty money.

    Happy 10th month anniversary to you Ms Pynk, may you guys celebrate many more months and years together in happines,love and fulfilment.

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    • peace ogune // April 25, 2015 at 09:50 // Reply

      us kids keep talking look if you have one of these owambe parents u are wasting your time planning small things. my guys more took one look at the cosy small hall he chose for his wedding and took the bloody wedding to TBS. halla na!

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  14. Hmmm, on my wedding day it rained silly, I was told at the church that some people attending a different wedding ha gate crashed @ my own venue. The Priest @ the church refused to round up the sermon, aand we ended up spending so much time @ d churrch.

    The hall was a market place. I was just asking my self “warris this na”

    Those that claimed they didn’t eat where. Captured on camera eating both pounde yam and rice. (omashe, elderly people. O)

    If I could turn bback the hands of time, I’d just skip the waste and spoil myself. To those who have ears and r unmaRried, please learn from US.

    Heheheh.

    Happy Wedding Anniversary babe. May God continue to uphold you Union an give you beautiful little babies.

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    • peace ogune // April 25, 2015 at 11:09 // Reply

      hahahahahaha sorry o. kai but Nigerians like food! that’s how my guy said don’t you know that the food they cook with firewood is different from the food they cook with gas stove. Oleee!

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  15. christabel // April 21, 2015 at 22:37 // Reply

    Happy 10mnth anniversary, indeed it is good to be grateful in little things. As for weddings I dnt see the need to waste money that will be used to take care of me and my children on a one day thing that will not make any difference. The earlier we begin to use our knowledge of ecomonics well the better for us. The number of guests at a wedding does not determine the longetivity of the marriage, so what’s the need of wasting money… For all I care some people attend a wedding to eat and collect sorvenir then maybe check out the dress of the bride and the ashebi…

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  16. I still believe having a small wedding is the best. Mine wasn’t as stressful because my mom in love was in charge of almost everything being that we were wedding in lag and my mum wasn’t based in lag. My mum also played a huge role. Funny enough my hubby was stressed because he left majority of the things he needed to do till the last minute. My reception was over by 3pm. The wedding didn’t cost as much as I feared cos of some smart choices made. My gown was made from scratch by this lovely lady i found online and i rented it from her.There were so many souvenirs to give out so everyone got some. I had fun even though I was still recovering from a surgery. I praise God everything went great. No stress from asoebi cos I wasn’t interested. Happy anniversary to you and hubby!!

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  17. Happy 10th month anniversary, may God continue to bless your marriage.

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    • peace ogune // April 25, 2015 at 09:59 // Reply

      well I have never thrown a party that people gate crashed and I never will. cmon lets face it we ask for it

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  18. by the way pynk is that you in the picture above? you look beautiful if its your trad picture.

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  19. Ikoya adewale // April 22, 2015 at 11:40 // Reply

    Wedding wedding wedding… I think I need to learn how to plan events too and make some cool cash for myself since Nigerians love events these much

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  20. peace ogune // April 22, 2015 at 12:28 // Reply

    i’m so scared to say this but I think marriage is extinct. today it takes the grace of God to trust someone and not watch your back. how can yu trust a partner who has been jilted beaten broken and seeking revenge. the kind of sex some partners have had mmmm its not something they would forget easily o.

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    • peace ogune // April 22, 2015 at 12:34 // Reply

      when women have finished trying t become like men and they become men they forget about the feminine cause and actually adopt the world of men. that’s why marriage is tricky who wants to marry a man

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      • What do you mean by this? How are women becoming men? And exactly what feminine causes have been dropped?

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        • loool, maybe she didn’t quite frame her thoughts well.

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        • peace ogune // April 25, 2015 at 11:13 // Reply

          you want me to tell you number one? child upbringing; breast feeding is now 3 months staying at home when kids get back from school is extinct. yes u would say women are supporting as bread winners so that makes you a man na, abi?

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  21. peace ogune // April 22, 2015 at 12:36 // Reply

    what about bride price aaaaabbbbbeeeeg marriage no be by force o

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  22. Interesting comments.
    My sister had her Nikah some days ago albeit small ,I’m still in shock at the chaos the event was. The bride’s friends were so unruly and were so about the food, in fact words can’t explain my disappointment .
    I come begin they reason destination wedding ,when the time comes I hope I can afford it.

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  23. Ikoya adewale // April 23, 2015 at 09:58 // Reply

    Peace how do you mean when women become like men??… The fact that some men do mistreat women doesn’t make a general phenomenon oo

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  24. Ikoya adewale // April 23, 2015 at 10:02 // Reply

    Their always someone for everyone

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  25. Christian Best // April 23, 2015 at 10:42 // Reply

    Its true, wedding could be stressful and expensive most times. That’s why most people are afraid of even doing their wedding 😀

    Well, one can also make some money and get quite a lot of properties from the wedding 😀
    It depends on your guests though, some will come and give your N5 in envelopes but will eat your food without mercy hahahaha.. I don’t blame couples who Insist on opening the envelopes of guests during gifts presentations

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  26. peace ogune // April 25, 2015 at 11:17 // Reply

    money money money if u love u pay if u wed u pay u give birth u pay. a time will come if u fart u pay. not smiling o

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  27. Interesting thoughts, thanks for sharing!

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