To Tell or not to Tell

Well happy day, we all woke up this morning. To those who Santa  hasn’t visited, are you sure? Because you didn’t open a physical  gift doesn’t mean you weren’t visited, life is a gift remember.

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So we all get into situations on the friendship code. A friend of mine Timi called me yesterday to ask for advice. One thing about me is I am outspoken if I like you as a human being. I will tell you the truth outright, for all others I will  skirt around the bush. Timi calls to say his friend Tunde who moved to America from the UK just got engaged to Walia; half Nigerian, half carribean babe. Tunde was going on and on about how the girl is mixed race etc. Almost every carribean and black American  person is mixed race, there was this thing called slavery. Even my grandmother looked white with negro hair. So Timi realises the description of the babe is  familiar, given the town Tunde moved to. Timi and Tunde are very close, but geographic distance  means they chat etc. Timi also just had a baby with his wife 2 months ago, so he has  been off the grid a bit. Tunde emailed Timi the proposal pictures.

Now Timi opens the email  and finds out that it’s the same babe that his friend Lance was married to about two years ago. Not only that she has slept with about 4 other guys that Timi knows. She ran down Lance for about $30,000, cheated on him – got caught giving another guy a blow job in a car. Also another one of the guys she was sleeping with was married, so she would pay for hotel rooms near to his house just to have sex with him.

Don’t worry I didn’t make his stuff up. Now the big question is should Timi tell Tunde all he knows or keep quiet? Timi’s wife told him to keep quiet, Timi wasn’t sure and decided to call me. My husband thinks the Bro code is necessary,  tell all you know. My thought process is Timi should simply say to Tunde, “her description sounded very familiar, she used to be married to my friend Lance”. Tunde’s reaction to this statement will determine how the rest of the conversation  should go. Because I mean the young woman in question (Walia ) might have turned a new leaf, or better yet she might have also disclosed the necessary to Tunde.

So your thoughts please?

Another true life story. Mary met Bode, and disclosed to Bode that she had cervical cancer in the past and ovarian failure etc and that child bearing would be hard. Bode accepted  and went to the Doctor with her and saw the entire thing  and even spoke to the doctor etc. Someone Mary had confided in the past decided to sabotage her. After all how did Mary find a man (eligible  pedigree bachelor in Lagos ) who worships the ground she walks on even though doctors have told her she might not have a child.

Danielle the old confidant decided to attempt to ruin Mary’s situation a second time. She caused the breakup of Mary’s previous relationship by telling the ex that he would never have children with Mary…that was bad enough that the ex’s mother told Mary how her son confided in her. The woman knelt down and begged Mary  to accept her son back, but Mary declined. Anyways  Danielle decided to try her luck with Chuks one of Bode’s  closest friends. Chuks went to do Bro code and told Bode that Mary  had so many abortions that she couldn’t have kids. It was an epic backfire because remember  Mary was open and took Bode to the doctor and when they do scans they can tell from the uterus scan if a woman has ever been pregnant  before. The doctor lamented about how small Mary’s uterus was and explained that Mary’s situation  was one of those 1 in 100,000 cases and couldn’t be explained simply etc. Of course a fight ensued between Chuks and Bode. Almost 20 years of friendship down the line. Mary begged Bode to restore the friendship. Chuks was a groomsman at their wedding. Mary was vindicated. In this case the Bro code gist was sour and almost cost a friendship.

Now my blog reads like a tabloid. Lmao!

Anyways what should Timi do please?
I was supposed to go to primark  I don’t remember  what I needed to  buy. Old age is setting in. Lol.
Have a fantastic Saturday.

NESTR
OAD

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12 Comments on To Tell or not to Tell

  1. Me thinks this should be handled very diplomatically. A Lot of caution should be applied.

    I once told a good friend of mine not to go into marriage with her boyfriend back when we were in school due to some character traits I noticed but love didn’t allow her hear me.
    5 years down the line with 3 kids, she cries daily that she wants to end the marriage.

    The case of the “bride to be ” shows she had a very rough past and a good friend needs to give a little hint if not all the details.

    I suggest he finds the most subtle way to say what he has to, and let the groom to be get more details from his fiancée.

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  2. Hahahaha @ old age setting in….

    I really don’t know what to say, I can only hope Walia has come clean and has turned a new leaf. But if he was my brother, I would spill and hope he does the right thing. Whatever choice he makes, no problem.

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  3. I think I would go with ur ‘thought process’ to be on a safe side…

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  4. Hmmn I think I will go with you on disclosing a little first then depending on my friends reaction I will take it from there. Not saying anything at all could have grave consequences for both parties. What if tunde finds out later that timi knew the kind of person the babe is or was, that will still affect the friendship. By saying little, tunde now has an opportunity to talk to walia about her past if he’s not already aware

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  5. This is one of the reasons why you have to open up to the person you are dating because when it leads to the altar and some silly news starts flying around you can hold your head high and keep calm. I think Timi should be diplomatic if he wants to tell Tunde, he should ask some questions that would lead to Tunde being inquisitive to know more,that way there won’t be so much friction when the news is heavy. Timi needs to let his friend knows what’s going on,if he sees Tunde has a good friend.

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  6. Hello,
    I think your approach is apt. Starting such conversation on a mild note is key as Tunde’s reaction will determine how it proceeds. I hold that Timi should have inform Tunde as much as he knows is true and Tunde is willing to hear albeit this should be done verbally, face-to-face, in a conducive atmoshpere and as early as possible. Also, Timi should stress the importance of Tunde having the conversation with Walia (Who knows Walia might have put on a new leaf and this might be her only chance of having a good life for herself and concurrently Tunde). I strongly believe that one should always exhaust all avenues for information and discussion before critical decisions that have enormous consequences be taken.
    I do not support, Timi asking Tunde questions as earlier suggested by Kiki, as this more often than not does not tackle the situation on ground. Spilling all one knows to be truth in a considerate manner and leaving the decision to the other party is often times a better course of action.

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  7. The difference in the stories are 1st story seems to be based on facts.stuff that could be verified.

    2nd story seems to be purely based on amebo/gist.

    -My rule is if the person is your friend(true friend oh not associate) you have to tell all. But pls tell facts, not the jara and fisi stuff. I know the love I have for my true friends, I consider them my family. I cannot sleep at night knowing I let that person enter into a dangerous situation.

    On a side note: Scratching my head to understand why the guy kept going on about her being “mixed race”. Where my partner is from doesn’t seem to be the bragging point I’ll share with my friends when I let them know I’m getting married.

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    • Bee the second story is very very true. As for the guy bragging, maybe the guy went from his village straight to Europe. Or his “half caste” neighbors in Naira use to oppress him.

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      • Uh should have explained better.

        What I was trying to say was, only spill if you have facts that can be verified.

        In the 1st story, spilling is appropriate. You can verify she was married and divorced, you can verify the $30k.

        Now in the 2nd story, dude should not have spilled. Anyone can make a random claim calling a babe a whore, saying a babe has had 50 abortions. But without proof, keep your mouth shut or give a subtle hint. But don’t go telling like its facts.

        Lol @ dude going from villa to jand

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  8. I agree wit ya. Timi shd tell him a lil info and his reaction will determine if he shd say more or not. Lolz @ old age setting in

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  9. This is quite tricky.i agree on telling a bit to see his reaction before spilling all but guy code is def must tell!they gossip more than we ladies. lol

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  10. Like Mary, Walia might have told Timi a little about her past if not all, but knowing what I know of her past to be that ”bad” I’d find it hard to believe that she could change or that she has changed and I’m likely to tell.

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