Coping

Thank God for new days. The family is coping, my husband and his uncle are making the funeral arrangements.  Thank God for a life well lived, cut short at 37, but well lived nonetheless.
I have had to caution a few home visitors. Someone got to my sister in law and was crying. She has started accepting her husband is gone from earth, has broken the news to her kids etc. Who are we to cry more than the bereaved? Another woman came into my in laws house shouting who killed my son etc. Nigerians need sensitivity training. Its not a must to say anything, its ok to sit and hold hands, its ok to just hug the person. Its ok to let the person stare into space.
I have done my quota of crying for the week at least i wont cry in front of my husband. He cried on saturday nite and i am very worried about him, so i am almost his shadow. He is the one doing the running around, picking caskets etc with his uncle. Their breakdowns are coming,  it is imminent.  I just pray for God to give us all strength and his grace. You dont realise how expensive funerals are, morgue bills,  casket cost, plot costs etc. Its horrible burying a young person, i have a horrible fever but i am not telling my husband because i dont need him worrying about me.
I really wasnt going to do any post this week, but i realise Sifo would have wanted us to be happy somewhat that he is no longer in pain. We loved him, but God loved him more. Once the funeral is over next week, we all need to go away and just relax in a peaceful environment. I will likely shuffle between NY and london for the next few months with my husband. I just want peace for him.
We were supposed to go on a pseudo honeymoon next month, i am trying to see how i can utilise my limited resources to make things better for him and the kids. God always provides.
The school is on hold till March, my family needs me.
I found this link on Linda Ikeji’s blog, and as usual with anything Tony Elumelu, its not clear exactly what they are providing to entrepreneurs in terms of seed capital and what the limit etc. It might be helpful to someone.
http://www.tonyelumelufoundation.org/teep/#

Please continue to keep us in prayers aa tuesday and Wednesday next week are the wake and funeral respectively.
NESTR
OAD

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5 Comments on Coping

  1. God will strengthen you and your family and comfort you… Lost my fav uncle last week and I know how it feels to lose someone. He’s a Great comforter.

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  2. It shall be well with you all In Jesus Name. Amen

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  3. My heart goes out to you. I mutual friend passed away a month ago – he was barely 30 and had a young wife with a 15 month old daughter. People really need sensitivity training. Who are you to mourn more than the bereaved? Who are you to tell a bereft wife that he is in a better place and she should rejoice? Are you serious? These are the darkest days of her life – she can’t rejoice. Others are quoting bible left right and centre – scriptures that do nothing to soothe the hurt. Just hold their hand, give a hug, tell her you are there for her, tell her to take it 1 day at a time. I like your blog – this is the first time i’ve been moved to comment. May our Lord comfort you all – as only he can.

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  4. Keep being strong. It is well.

    I think it’s overwhelming for these type of mourners when they are with the bereaved. Reality sets in.
    I had my share of them when I lost my father and then my sister. They’ll always exist.

    I hope your sis-in-law is holding up well? You are in my prayers.

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  5. Plenty hugs during this challenging and difficult time.

    On the note of naija mourners, I don’t think they know any better. They don’t mean harm. You’ll be surprised how man people have been taught to say some of these crazy things (by parents, pastors,etc).

    I struggle with even calling because I don’t want to remind the person of their pain, but then if I don’t call I feel less caring. Then I call and cant say much. it’s definitely a difficult process.

    I’m glad you have each other to lean on. Will continu to pray for your family to have some comfort during this period. (Plenty hugs)

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